see amanda run

Sometimes, you just can't help it.

2012-01-22T07:57:00.000-08:00

Things I did successfully this week: Ran.

Things I did not do successfully this week: Love my body.

Ugh.

I hate that I have to even deal with this never ending battle of the love/hate relationship with my body. I look at myself and I see something amazing. Something I worked very hard for. Something I recommit to keeping everyday.

While I see something amazing, I feel like a 927lb sad, unhappy miserable person. I know I am not. I mean, it's obvious I am not. But I feel like I am, so therefore, I must be. I hate having days/weeks like this. And this past week was one of "those" kind of weeks.

Sure, I ran a total of 20mi and I did really well focusing on what I used to fuel those runs. But I still felt fat. In hind sight, it was time. I honestly can't remember the last time I felt like this, I just know that I felt this way last week.

I didn't weigh myself(why add to the pain), I didn't look in the mirror often(what's the point) and other than the two times I wore actual clothes, I stayed in running gear because it is what I was most comfortable in.

I'm not even sure why I'm sharing this. I guess because there is a point to prove that no matter where we are in our journey, we all still struggle with some sort of battle. And this week, I struggled with loving myself even though I wanted to hate myself.

The good thing is that I didn't let those feelings defeat me and give in. I still ran. I still did weights. I still ate well. And this week I will face it head on and feel good.

In all my randomness.

XOXO!

One. Four. Five. Six. Twenty Six.

2012-01-15T16:33:00.000-08:00

All important numbers. Although, the first three don't define who I am; they sure as sh!t are proof of the hard work I've put forth the past 18 months.

I haven't really talked about my weight. Specifics to be exact. Numbers. Because I know that the numbers don't define me, but I don't care who you are or where you are in your journey, You want to know where you are on the scale. It's true.

For the past 6 weeks, I have held steady at one hundred forty five pounds. What. The. Crap. I haven't talked about it because I swore it was a fluke. But who am I kidding? I work my tail o.f.f. 5-6 days a week and I've gotten a handle on my food intake again(ugh, carbs!). And since I have stayed here, I am claiming it!

(In my best Alison Sweeney voice)My current weight is.... 145 pounds!

Boo.Yah.

I am happy with this. I was ecstatic at 150. But that number is not me. It does not define me, but damn it sure feels good!

****

Since before Thanksgiving, I have needed to get new jeans. Every single pair of jeans I owned was ridiculously big. Even my jeggings. Which I loved so so so much. But when the jeggings are too big, it is time to pony up the dough and get new jeans.

Have I ever mentioned I have a booty? Yeah. Shopping for jeans is sometimes I painful experience. If they fit my backside, the waist is too big. If they fit my waist, they are so tight on my tail I can't even think. They're too short. They're too long. Ugh, it's exhausting.

I cried as I walked into Plato's Closet to "sell" my less than a year old BKE jeans, my most favoritest pair of jeggings and a few shirts that had long been retired. I cried because I loved those jeans, but also because I had zero jeans in my closet.

That is not a joke. Or an exaggeration. I had NO PANTS hanging in my closet. Even all my workout pants are too big. But there I was, walking into Plato's Closet in my most comfy Nike track pants with an elastic waist(<~ This is important because my friend stepped on the bottom and I flashed the store half of my butt. True Story.) to "sell" my jeans.

And while I didn't get near close to what I paid for the BKE jeans, it was a small dent in what I needed to get new jeans. Plus, I HAD to go buy new jeans at this point. Five stores, 8,395 pairs of jeans later I found jeans that I love, fit correctly, hug me where they should and most importantly, FIT! The best best best part was the number on the tag. Not the price(holy sh!t!), the size. I swear, I would have made out with the poor guy having to hang up all the jeans I tried on when I walked out of that changing room with a size SIX. HOLLA! (<~This girl has never been in a size six. EVER.)

And you know I took pictures to remember the momentous occassion:

My hand is covering my mouth because I was in shock. I'm pretty sure I had a goofy smile on my face as well. And yes, I had the little people with me and they were SO good(<~ For which they got candies).

Dear Express,

Your prices make me want to vomit, but your jeans love my butt so I love your jeans.

Sincerely,

Happy chick in a size SIX!

Those jeans were buy one get one half off. Totally worth it. And I got Express Cash. I am in love.

****

This made me curious of my waist. I mean, the inches. Because I know the BKE's I sold were a 31. And huge. Which I bought after I had lost 30lbs. I started this thing in a 15/16, so I know my waist was at a 34? 36? I'm not sure because I didn't measure myself(MEASURE YOURSELF!). But I wanted to see where I was now. Oh yes. Twenty.Six.Inch.Waist. My hips are a 28/29(baby got back). I don't care, I am ecstatic!

I have waited my entire life to feel good in my own skin. To love my body. To feel confident. To be confident.

Mission. Accomplished.

XOXO!

5 Unnecessary, Necessary Things To Feel Good About Sweating.

2012-01-05T06:50:00.000-08:00

If I learned anything last year, it was that going to the gym sucks. I'm not going to lie, I love it.

But I also hate it.

There are just days I just don't wanna go. At all. Ever again.

And on those days, I drag my sore tail out of bed and do the following things to make it more...Do-able.

These are things I figured out on my own. Things I learned make it fun and make me feel good. And when I feel good, that is when I get the best work-out, feel the prettiest and confident in myself.

1. There is this saying "if you still look cute after your workout, you didn't work hard enough" or something to that effect.

Well, I say screw "them". I wear make-up to the gym. Not a full on face, but mascara, loose powder, neutral eye shadow(eye brows if they are toe-up). I keep it simple.

The point is, if wearing a little mascara gives me just that little bit of confidence, I'm doing it. I don't care if I'm all sweaty and gross afterwards, I still look "cute" because I FEEL cute.

Just make sure it's waterproof...trust.

2. Make friends with the staff at the gym. Even if it's 4a, you feel like crap, you don't want to be there...Just say "Good Morning! How are you?" You don't know how long they've been there and they could already be having a terrible day as well. They'll look forward to your cheerful greeting and return the favor to you. Making your workout go by quicker, because you're happy to be there!

3. Work-Out Clothes. Buy them. Match them. Make sure they fit. Spend a little. This goes right along with wearing a little bit of make-up. If you feel good about how you look, you look good. I usually match my stuff. My shoes I don't worry so much about because I have three different kinds and they go with generally everything I have. But my top, shorts, bra? They match. My shirt matches my shorts. My bra, matches my shorts in the off chance I lose the shirt at some point.

Academy, Dick's and even the outlets are awesome places to find very cute, colorful and most importantly- efficient while exercising, work-out clothes.

Think of your "gym" clothes as your favorite going out outfit.

4. Watch people. If you're new to the gym, pick a cardio machine you know and just watch. This is especially good for people who don't know a lot about the different weight machines. You'll learn a lot from watching people. How to use a machine, different things you can do on a machine.

5. Last and most importantly, ASK QUESTIONS! Don't be afraid to grab someone from the front desk or even someone who you see often and ask them how to use a machine, different things you can do or anything else. Chances are, they are passionate about what they do in the gym and will be more than willing to help you out or give you pointers.

Gyms can be very intimidating, but everyone is there to do the same thing, get FIT & HEALTHY!!!

And now, I'm about to hit the pavement in my cute running gear and mascara. Don't believe me...

(I hate my hair. We aren't going to talk about it.)

XOXO!

2011. The Year I did ME.

2011-12-31T14:18:00.000-08:00

Today, on this last day of 2011, I am going to grace the many blog readers with a post! I know, it's so exciting! Two Thousand and Eleven was a fabulous year! I said I wasn't making any resolutions this year, I was going to do ME. I am proud to say that I have done me and done it better than I ever thought would be possible. Fasten your seat belts ladies and gents, I'm about to take you on a picture'd out 2011! I am SO excited to ring in 2012 and (as I've been telling everyone who asks about MY "resolutions"), Continue being awesome!

I rang in 2011 with my husband and awesome friends(that'd be a beer pong chest bump)!

February brought snow

March, We went "home" for Spring Break and G learned to weld!

April came, I turned 28, got a Tummy Tuck, met my goal weight and learned I was a lot stronger than I gave myself credit for. You know, the usual stuff you do on your birthday.

(and eight months later...)

In May, Someone graduated Pre-K and Someone else sported a bikini for the first time since High School!

June, Well. We spent this entire month at the pool. Planking and stuff.

July, We welcomed a new guy into our family.

And I PR'd a 5k!

August, I treated myself to a tattoo for meeting my goal weight and staying there for 6 months.

September, we spent a lot of time at the doggy dr because Otis broke his arm. We spent the time making silly faces and playing angry birds(CAH!)

October, I realized just how far I had come in a year.

November, I COMPLETED MY FIRST HALF MARATHON!

December, I spent a lot of quality time with my boys. Enjoying Christmas and realizing some things just aren't that important.

I am really looking forward to what 2012 has to offer and I cannot wait to face it head on! I'm hoping to blog more(ha!) and really put my (still) daily struggles out there. Especially those surrounding the events in April(there will be a full post on that. Eventually.) Happy New Year Everyone!

XOXO!

Reward

2011-08-31T17:46:00.000-07:00

We are in our second week of school. These have been the fastest, yet slowest two weeks of my life.

I've enjoyed having ME time three days a week again. Getting back to my time of enjoying the focus and results I get from concentrating on ME and not what the little people are doing while I'm trying to enjoy my 3+ miles on the treadmill.

Have I ever mentioned how much I loathe the treadmill?

Yeah well, just so we're clear from here on out, I do. Loathe the treadmill. But, when you have no other option(the oldest is over the weight limit for my double jogger and I had to sell it. Sadness.) but the treadmill, you just.do.it.

It's been almost 6 months since I met my goal weight. My reward for meeting my goal weight, was a tattoo. I've been waiting, deciding, observing, deciding and I came to a conclusion. So, with a new "job" and the money I saved, I gots me some new ink!

I chose my leg for many reasons, but the main reason was because of my legs, I was able to lose 40lbs AND keep it off. Those legs ran many miles, walked more miles than I can count, did flutter kicks, lunges, squats, court drills, spin classes...basically, they are the foundation to my weight loss. They never let me give up.

A lily because I think they are beautiful, especially when they are in full bloom. I have opened up and feel beautiful. It is a part of the new me. I actually feel beautiful. And that was not an easy thing to accomplish. The lily is in full bloom because that is how I am, now. There is no reason I will no longer be happy and beautiful. I worked hard, I was dedicated and I am proud of who I am now.

I am happy to say that for (almost) 6 months, I have maintained my weight loss. I found a new sense of self confidence I didn't know I had and I am just happy. My focus now has been and will be the half marathon and toning. While striving to be the best healthy me I can be.

How do you strive to be the best healthy YOU can be?

Monday

2011-08-22T18:49:00.000-07:00

Today is Monday.

Monday, was the first day of school.

Monday, I hated August.

Monday, I loved August.

Monday, I had three glorious hours TO MY SELF. ME, MYSELF and I.

Monday, We started a new routine.

Monday, I woke up dehydrated.

Monday, I drank my weight in water.

Monday, I ate a protein packed breakfast.

Monday, my stomach bothered me all day long.

Monday, I worked out anyway.

Monday, I was exhausted.

Good Night!

Freaking Out.

2011-08-01T13:54:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how much more I really need to go into it. I'm fuh-reaking out. Big time. Three weeks ago, 5 miles wasn't a problem. Last week, I struggled with two. What the heck? This week I am starting over with the training plan. Completely over and will follow it week by week, to the best of my ability. I have to.

Because I'm freaking out that running a half-marathon isn't going to be possible. That I won't be able to do it. That I'll get too tired or give up or just plain old puss out.

Yep, I said it.

To be honest, I'm scared. My training days are limited to either a treadmill or a quick jaunt around the neighborhood because school hasn't started and we all know the story behind my husband working 5,000 hours a week.

Le sigh.

It is what it is and while I'm freaking out, I am not going to let it keep me from trying my hardest and completing a half marathon.

So there. I said it. I'm freaking out. Or scared. Or both.

Whatevs.

2011-07-21T18:21:00.000-07:00

So. I changed up the ole blog. What do you think? It'll do for now.

Summer is half-way over and I know I said I was looking forward to it, but right now? I'm over it and ready for school to start again. The short people are ready too. Who am I kidding? Whether they are ready or not, they are going back to school and I CANNOT WAIT!

WOOOOO HOOOOO!

I've taken this week off. I have a summer cold(thanks babe!) and I just need to rest. Right now, I should be putting away laundry, but clearly, talking about a whole lotta nuthin' is much more important.

It's starting to come full circle what I have accomplished. I look at the old me and I cannot believe it. I don't think I have ever been more proud of myself. Do you know how long I have wanted to run without a shirt? A long time. And I've been doing just that. It's so...freeing. I don't feel restricted, my shirt isn't soaking wet and the most important thing? I don't care that there is a teeny tiny jiggle in my (flat) belly.

I have happily and proudly maintained at my current weight (148) and doing so during the summer with both of the short people home, eating constantly(it seems) and not having the ability to put what I would prefer into my workouts has been a bit of a struggle. I've had days, but I am proud to say that I haven't let my circumstances do me in.

And that people, IS HUGE.

I am unrealistically addicted to Twitter. There is something about the people who give it their all, everyday no matter what the circumstances that helps me keep going. Knowing I'm not the only one that has daily struggles, no matter what they are(kids, food, mood, heat etc).

I ran a 5k last weekend. Remember last year when this exact same 5k kicked my tail? I do. It was ruff. This year, they changed the course, which was fine by me because the course last year was insanely hilly. This time, there was 1 gradual and one steep hill. Last year, I stopped and walked at least a mile of it. This year, I ran the whole thing. Last year: 46:38. This year: 32:00. Oh yeah, that's right buddy.

Thanks to the hubs and the shorts for cheering me on! I was almost taken out by a trainee on the home stretch, but lucky for him, he kept me from hitting the ground. I don't know how to explain it, but running in the cloud of airmen/trainee stench for 30 minutes is not pleasant. There is a smell to these kids when they come in to basic, and unless you've smelled it, you can't even possibly know how bad it is.

Yuck.

The hubs is home and it's almost time for some trash TV. Over n Out, homies.

Oh NO she Dent!

2011-07-09T16:14:00.001-07:00

Nothing to say except I DID IT! One year ago:

(note: I added the '10 picture because that was really when I started this journey. They '09 picture is just one that was brought to my attention and shows me standing up.)

Ready, Ready, Ready...

2011-07-04T07:18:00.000-07:00

Ready to RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! Remember that song, sang by the not so present Dixie Chicks?! Well, that has been me and it feels SO FREAKING AWESOME!

I was scared to even start running again. After my leg injury, which had me down for months(Ok, not down. I still worked out, just didn't actually run) and surgery, I was seriously worried I lost ALL of my stamina and would struggle to get through my first 2 mile run. In MONTHS.

You know what? I did it, and it felt great! The passion for running is now coursing through my veins again and I LOVE it! That first run was hard and I did have to stop and walk just once, but the whole point is that I completed that two miles and in a good time.

I lost a little bit of my stamina, but not all of it. And that makes me very happy!

I'm trying to run three times a week. It's hard because it's summer and here in south Texas, it is HOT. I am not am early morning runner, and even if I was it wouldn't matter because my husband leaves for work before the roosters get up. My husband also just picked up and is at work from dark to dark. But I am making due and figuring out a routine that works for me and my boys.

I can tell you that I have missed running. Even though it is really, really hot outside, I enjoy being outside, sweating and working my body. I am learning new things about my body that I had no idea about before and getting myself ready for my ultimate goal! I've got plenty of time to train, but I am still a little uneasy.

Last night, while I was sluggish and had to literally force myself out the door, I ran. And I didn't stop(on purpose-stray dogs you do NOT run from). I felt awesome after my run and was so glad I forced myself to go.

Running and doing the Nike Training Club workouts for my cross training, I am feeling good about my summer.

If I can run and cross train, I can still take my time to sit by the pool and do nothing. Well, maybe not nothing. Work on my tan, teach my boys how to swim(they're so close!). I've got important things to do this summer!

Untitled

2011-06-25T19:45:00.000-07:00

Today has been one of those days.

This week was one of those weeks.

I've been off. Somethings been off. I can't put my finger on it. Okay, that's a lie. I can, but I am in denial. And being in denial is doing nothing for the way I am feeling.

Fat.

There, I said it. F. A. T.

Sadly, I can't seem to find my groove again. I had surgery, I couldn't work out, I needed the break. I went balls to the wall for 8 months and lost 40 pounds. I needed a break. But my break is over and I need to shake this before I undo what I worked so hard for.

It's not hard. I mean, I know what I should be doing. I did it for 8 months. I just don't want to have to work for it anymore. Even though I know it is not that easy and that I am going to have to continue to work at this, forever.

It's summer and I just want to eat, lay by the pool and do nothing. Even though I have a half marathon to train for. And a 5k. And a 10k. I have things to strive for. Things to work for.

But I just don't wanna.

Someone, please call the wahhhh-bulance. I need a swift kick. And I need it NOW.

Thank you in advance for encouraging me. It really does help!

Words.

2011-06-02T19:10:00.000-07:00

I feel like I have a lot to say. But when I sit down, the words just do not flow through my fingers as easily as they flow through this brain of mine. We had turkey burgers for dinner tonight. I pulled the pre-made Jennie-O patties out of the freezer at 3:30p today. I also cooked some Jennie-O turkey bacon to throw on them as well. I wasn't sure how The MTI would react to them, as he is a (red) meat kind of guy. He ate a bacon double cheese(turkey) burger and said it was delicious. Great strides people. Food is the one thing we can never agree on(he likes processed, nothing with color crap. I like whole, homemade colorful goodness).

The oldest graduated from Pre-K today. I cried. He is officially a kindergartner and I am not handling it very well. After his ceremony, he was dismissed for the day and we took him to go run errands with us, just him, me and The MTI. We never get that time with him. He found a wooden snake that he just HAD to have. It was $2. I was more than happy to get it for him. I went into Victoria Secrets while The MTI drooled over sunglasses in SunGlass Hut. I really want a new bathing suit and I have a gift card. I also need perfume and a new bra, but was given specific instructions on what to use it for. My friends are the best.

I have a post-op appointment soon. I'm ready to be released, but not looking forward to the drama that may or (hopefully) may NOT unfold. That's neither here nor there, though.

Tomorrow is the Short ones last day and we will officially be on summer vacation! I am getting up earlier than I want to so I can hit the gym before he has to be at school. He is having an end of the year picnic also that I need to go pick a few things up for and help transport some of the food to said park. I'm not sure what I am doing at the gym tomorrow either. I will have the Tall one with me and to be honest, I am scared to even attempt any kind of ab work. I've got to get back into the groove. I've been idle for too long and something tells me it is going to start catching up to me. Which also means I will start packing on the pounds again. Speaking of pounds, I have been doing a lot of late night snacking. I know better than this and I also know I am doing it because for whatever reason, I don't want to go to bed. Which is another reason I need to get back into my gym groove. I miss my meetings with my trainer. I will hit the gym tomorrow and do push-ups/ab work/arms in the mean time of waiting to be released.

I owned my self last weekend and went to the pool in a bikini. I sent out a tweet, picture proof that I was indeed in a 2 piece, at a public pool. It was liberating and weird, all at the same time. I got toasted though, as my middle hasn't seen sun in 6+ years.

I will start a training program for the Rock N Roll Half here, after my post-op. I can't lie, I am scared. I haven't ran consistently since November(due to injury). So in a sense, I am starting completely over. It scares me. But I have time to train. All that awaits me is a new pair of Nike Free 2.0 and the pavement. I am more than ready to get this show on the road. I WILL run a half before the end of the year. WILL.

The flies here are driving me effing crazy. They are huge and everywhere. Combine that with a dog that goes in/out all day and 2 kids, I can't keep up. They are gross, loud and obnoxious. I can't stand this time of year.

I can hardly believe it is 9p. My kids are outside playing with daddy. It's time to wrangle in the troops, get them ready for bed and fold laundry. Deuces homies!

You Are What You Eat. Or Something.

2011-05-23T13:52:00.000-07:00

I've been so busy today. It has been non-stop today since we got out of bed. So I'm going to skip all formalities and get right down to bidness.

Today The Tall One had his very last field trip. To the zoo! He was super excited and I didn't forget this time! We dropped him off at school and then The Short One and I came home to grab some breakfast and fix our lunch. We started our day off with this:

A delicious green smoothie that for whatever reason, turned out effing AMAZING. Seriously. I used the same yogurt and same spinach I always do. The difference? I didn't have any fresh strawberry's, so I used frozen(use what ya got!) and I used FRESH pineapple left over from our picnic at the park yesterday. A drizzle of honey and blend. Done and done. Delicious. Even the Short One approved:

He loves his "movies". Haha!! After that, it was time to load up and head to the zoo with the Tall One. I have a ton of pictures, but I won't bore you with those. And I haven't uploaded them off my camera yet...

While waiting for the Tall One's class to finish petting the goats, We took a picture together that is so cute and frame worthy. You know, IF the major boobage and tank top tan line doesn't jump out and scream "YO, I WANT IN THIS PICTURE TOO!"

Le sigh. Man, those kids are beautiful ;)

I wore my pedometer, drank a lot of water and we packed our lunch(as well as an apple and a Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip LaraBar for me). A mom bought all the kids in the class an ice cream, so I had to buy the Short One something. I bought him a strawberry fruit bar. I took a tiny bite. It was alright.

Now, onto what this post is really about. FOOD! Yesterday, Jasmine over at Eat, Move, Write wrote a post and it contained pictures of what is in her fridge and freezer. I thought, why not? I love these kind of posts! So without further ado, here we go!

My refrigerator:

First, the VERY bottom drawer that is teeny, tiny? I use that to thaw out food. Ground Turkey, Chicken Breasts, pork chops, pork tenderloin etc.

Top Left Shelf: A bag of Italian Mix salad from HEB, 1/2 of a veggie delight from Subway, 2 vanilla slim fast(that I use if I'm in a hurry for SOME nutrient), parmesan cheese and pureed carrots I use to hide in meals.

Top Right Shelf: Stony Field French Vanilla Yogurt(that I just realized needs to be thrown out), Pepperidge Farm Cinnamon Bread, 1/2 of a Red Onion, Country Crock Light Butter.

Middle Left Shelf: One lone Green Delicious Apple, Stoney Field French Vanilla Yogurt(that is still good!), a lone avocado and grated parmesan cheese left over from making pasta salad last week.

Middle Right Shelf: 1 1 /2 Dozen eggs, Roasted Red Pepper Hummus, Chocolate frosting from making devils food cupcakes last week, Whole Wheat tortillas, forty spice hummus(gross!) and cherry tomatoes.

Bottom Right Shelf: Clearly, Bud Light with Lime(not gonna lie here, I'll indulge sometimes), Sunny D(the boys get to pick ONE thing a week, that was last weeks pick), White American Cheese from the deli and in the way back, Smirnoff Lime and Kahlua with Peppermint.

Small Drawer: Pepperoni Slices, Sliced Kraft Cheese, turkey hot dogs. This is my husbands drawer.

Larger Drawer on Left: A head of Lettuce, celery, red/yellow/orange peppers, carrots, white onions and sweet potatoes.

Larger Drawer on Right: The Boys snack drawer. Applesauce, yogurt and more yogurt, string cheese, pudding and a couple of pizza lunchables.

And now the doors. First, on the left, we have:

Top: Medicine for The Tall One, who had Strep(we are on day 4), a 5hr energy for my drives to/from OKC and my insulin.

Middle: Apple Jelly from making fruit salsa(yum!), low sugar syrup, breadsticks, pizza dough(again, husband) and maybe cinnamon rolls?

Bottom: Propel Zero(mine) and Dr Pepper(Not mine.)

And the right side:

Top: Lemon juice, Peppercorn Ranch, Italian Dressing, Pizza Sauce and minced Garlic.

Middle: Dill Pickle Relish, Salsa, Jalepenos, chocolate/strawberry syrup for milk.

Bottom: Low Sugar Strawberry Jelly, Ketchup, Apple Juice(vitamins), Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ Sauce, My secret marinade used to grill out ANY kind of meat.

Wow, this post is long already. But we are moving on to the freezer.

Top Pull Out:

Ice(duh), Strawberry Margarita Mix, my one lone left Vitatop, Garlic Bread, ready to make cinnamon rolls, Eggo Fruit Pizza(gross, gross, gross), Whole Wheat Waffles, hamburger buns, fruit smoothie mix(one tropical, one berry), Frozen Bananas for Roni's Banana Soft Serve, Flavor Ice.

Bottom Pull Out:

Samoa Ice Cream(not worth it), Jennie O Turkey Burgers, Okra, Broccoli, Chicken Nuggets, Chicken Breasts, More frozen bananas for the soft serve, My ice pack that wraps around velcros in place(used when I hurt my leg), raspberries, edamame and meatballs.

Now, after doing this post, I can see that two things are clear. One. I need to clean out both the fridge and freezer. Two. I need to go shopping.

And I'll leave you with this picture from yesterday while feeding ducks at the park:

Gosh, I love them.

Perfection.

2011-05-16T16:39:00.000-07:00

"You're so mean,

When you talk, About yourself, You are wrong.

Change the voices, In your head

Make them like you Instead."

It doesn't matter how many times I hear this song, this verse resonates in my head. For days. D-A-Y-S people, DAYS.

Self-Confidence has never(ever) been something I have had a lot of. I know why, but none of that matters because it is up to me to change that. I will never be perfect. I know that. What I will be is happy.

What is perfect anyway? Do we even know anymore? If we do, no one is speaking up because our judgement is so clouded by what is 'in', who is thin, who is fat, who has cellulite(me!) and who has just entered into rehab.

For instance...

Wow! HomeGirl needs to EAT!

Hold the phone, homegirl ate too much!

Here's the thing, homegirl is gorgeous. And talented. And gorgeous. Perfection is what we make it.

I have stretch marks. A lot of them. I do not love them, but I have them. Oh well. It makes me who I am and those stretch marks are the result of my body doing what it was supposed to do in bringing the two most beautiful people into this world.

I am more of a pessimistic than I care to admit. I try to prepare for the worst so if the worst happens, I am not totally disappointed. I've been disappointed a lot in this life time and I like to have a heads-up before it happens.

Which doesn't always go my way.

Which leads me to my next topic...

I'm a total ~~b!tch~~ brat. I really don't think this one needs an explanation. I am working it out and doing what I can to overcome this. I don't like this part of me, but sometimes, she rears her ugly mug. And people, it is not pretty.

My husband is amazing. I still don't know how I got so darn lucky, but I did. Because even when I'm acting like a total ~~b!tch~~ brat, He still loves me when I am the least lovable. I don't always deserve to be loved, but he suffers through it all. Loving me still, therefore letting me love him more than I thought possible. Babe, you are the best!

I trust too quickly. But the millisecond you mess that up, it will take lives to get it back. Lives, people. LIVES. And sometimes, I will still question everything because I'm still not so sure you are trust worthy.

I am dark and twisty. More twisty, than dark. But definitely both of them. I'm not perfect, nor do I claim to be. I wouldn't want to be perfect anyway. Then I'd have the paparazzi all over me. And that's just not cool.

Perfection is in the eye of the beholder. It doesn't matter what size you are, what you wear or who you are. What matters is how you feel about yourself. Because everyone is their own kind of perfect.

A (tearful) Joyous Mother's Day

2011-05-08T15:12:00.000-07:00

I was awakened by my 5yr old grinning as big as the universe at 5:30a. After being scared for my life for a spilt second, I smiled. "Good morning honey, what are you doing up?". He, still grinning and now doing his excited, happy dance said "daddy waked me up. Happy Mother's Day!" and handed me a card, seemingly addressed to himself.

He wanted to make sure I knew who that card was from. I love him.

Always ready for a photo op!

Next came in the three year old, still groggy. He is much like his mother in that respect. He does not like to be woken. He must wake on his own, gather his thoughts while he stairs out the window before he gathers himself up and literally jumps out of bed.

I do not jump out of bed, just so we are clear. Ahem.

I could just hear him in the hallway talking to my husband. "See that? It says I love you mommy. I'm done." My husband hands him his card and sends him in our room. "GOOD MORNING MOMMY! I GOT THIS FOR YOU." The child has no volume control. There are three circles drawn in a row. Clearly, 'I Love You'. "I love it honey, thank you.". "You welcomed Mommy!"

This one. he. is. trouble.

In barrels my husband, now more than late for work. "I know it's early, but I wanted to see you see this before I left. I'm late. I love you, today is your day. I'll try to be home early." This job. It is sucking the life out of him. But he's trying his hardest to do it right, and I know this. "Oh my. They are beautiful. Wow. Gorgeous. Wow. Thank you. I love you."

He knows me well. Lots of pink, Stargazer Lilies, orchids(that have yet to bloom). They smell wonderful. I can always find something, one of his faults that makes me want to kick him in the knee. But I love him and he is a wonderful man, amazing husband and the best father for my kids I could have ever dreamed for. This is the stuff you don't see in movies people. Real Life.

Later, as my day shifted from being about me to doing the things necessary to keep us all sane(and clothed), I found the Mother's Day Gift the five year old made at school.

The poem read:

Happy Mother's Day

Sometimes you get discouraged

Because I am so small

And always leave my finger prints

On furniture and walls.

But everyday I'm growing

And I'll be grown someday

And all those tiny hand prints

Will surely fade away.

(I'm crying. Again.)

So here's a little hand print

Just so you can recall

Exactly how my fingers looked

When I was very small.

(Tears. Lots and Lots of tears.)

This hit me like a two-ton bag of bricks to the knees. There is no stopping them now. Pretty soon it will be fifth grade graduation. Then eighth grade dances. And drivers licsences, girlfriends, high school graduation, college, marriage, grandkids...I have to stop before I lose it again.

Happy Mother's Day to my own mom and all the Momma's out there I know who are putting everything into their own little people today and everyday.

Sometimes You Just Gotta

2011-05-01T07:00:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I made my goal weight. A few months ago, I was so freaking close. Even being within 5lbs of my goal weight, I ~~was~~ am was struggling with demons.

What if I un-do all my hard work?

What if I gain everything back?

What if I have nothing to wear if I gain everything back?

The list goes on and on. Truth is, I've been holding onto clothes I haven't been able to wear (right) since I had my oldest. Thinking that one day I'd be able to wear them again and not feel like I was poured into them or feel like I was being cut off at the waist.

Guess what? Everything I have been holding onto and afraid to let go of, is now ridiculously too big! I had a pile in my closet floor of clothes that just didn't fit me right anymore. I had an even bigger 'pile' hanging up.

I was afraid to let go.

But yesterday, I stood in my closet, looking at the many many pairs of jeans, pants, skirts and dresses. Knowing that it was all too big. Knowing that keeping these things was insane because I am not that girl anymore. Knowing that regardless of what happens, I will not go back.

Sometimes you just gotta let go.

And I did. I have a pile of 10+ pairs of jeans, 4 pairs of dress pants and a few dresses that will be donated/given away. I don't need them anymore.

I won't even mention that now my closet is practically empty and I have a total of 4 pairs of jeans that fit. Wait...My bad.

It doesn't matter! Now I get to go shopping and buy things that fit!

Sometimes, you just gotta!

Goal. And holding steady.

2011-04-26T14:58:00.000-07:00

I made my Goal. I even went under my goal.

And then I went and had to have surgery. I was silently freaking my freak wondering how in the world I was going to maintain this and stay at this goal when I wasn't going to be able to work-out like I have been for the past 7 months.

Because I cannot work-out for another 4 weeks. Four. Long. Weeks.

Le Sigh.

I am happy to say that while I am still silently freaking about this, I am (so far) doing well and maintaining well. I have limited my carb intake(breads, rice, pasta etc) and watching the fruit because we all know that while fruit is delicious, it is a secret enemy!

Lots of protein and greens. The carbs I am eating are whole grain and I'm staying away from the drinks I love that are loaded with calories(Vanilla Dr Pepper and Starbucks).

I am remaining focused on my goal and what it means to me(and my family) that I have made it to this point.

The other great thing is that I am allowing my leg to heal. Finally. I am not one to sit and "rest", but now that I have to I have no other choice.

I have future goals in mind, it is going to be achieving them that is my next hurdle. And I will. I ran hurdles in High School. I am no dummy. :P

Insomnia

2011-04-21T08:17:00.000-07:00

Wanna know what insomnia will get ya?

Well, for me, it'll have me staying up until wee hours of the morning watching repeat episodes of House Hunters, My First Place, RoseAnne and The Nanny. Three weeks of meal planning with no repeat meals(except leftovers-because we all know leftovers DO and WILL happen). Catching up on the episode of Mob Wives I fell asleep half-way through and consequently falling in love with the show and not being able to wait until the next.

Yeah. That's what insomnia will get ya.

Fail.

But not really. One night, while sitting up watching House Hunters, I sat in bed with my pen, pad and blank menu's and planned out the next THREE WEEKS of meal plans! Oh yeah! And as I planned out the meals, I made the grocery list that goes with it. So for the next three weeks, my meals are planned AND my grocery list is made.

Score!

And just because I'm ~~bored~~ nice, I'm going to share with you the meals I have come up with.

April 24-April 30

Sunday- We are having Easter dinner with friends :)
Monday- Jerk Chicken Hoagies, sweet potato fries, fruit of boys choice
Tuesday- Jambalaya-homemade!
Wednesday- Red Stuff, garlic bread, salad
Thursday- Grilled chicken, corn on the cob, salad and maybe corn bread
Friday- Personal (veggie) Pizzas
Saturday- Cheesy Chicken and Rice Casserole(a familoy favorite!)

May 1- May 7

Sunday- YoYo(your on your own)
Monday- Chicken Fettucini Alfredo
Tuesday- Loaded Nachos
Wednesday- Baked Spaghetti
Thursday- Grilled Pork Chops, Green Beans, Potatoes
Friday- Beef Tips & Rice
Saturday- Turkey and Cheese Hoagies w/ Pop Chips

May 8- May 14

Sunday- Crock-Pot Enchiladas
Monday- Goulash, Salad
Tuesday- Italian Meatloaf, carrots, mashed potatoes
Wednesday- Thai Curry
Thursday- Corn Bread Chili Bake in the PC Deep Covered Baker
Friday- Pizza Bread(probably Double Daves)
Saturday- Grilled BBQ drumsticks, corn on the cob, salad and baked potatoes

Hearing my three year old say BBQ sauce, makes me laugh. It's like Bar Beeee Crew sauce. Bwahahahaha!

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!

2011-04-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

Yes. I said it. Goal.

I MADE MY FREAKING GOAL!

(edit: Total weight loss is 35lbs)

Of course, now that I'm here, I'm slightly freaked out because now what? What am I supposed to do from here?

Okay, okay.

I know. I continue to do what I'm doing. I maintain.

That I can do.

I think...

Anyway. Short and sweet. I made my goal. I have other things to share, but I don't have the time or the wording to spill it yet. I will say though, I am pain free(well, kinda! ;) ) for the first time in three years.

(side note: I'm on a PC and I am hella confused! Weirdness. Complete weirdness!)

So...Close...

2011-03-23T16:40:00.000-07:00

So. Yeah. It's been a while.

Things around here have been carazy.

We went on vacation.

The short one spent 2 weeks at Granny's ALONE.

The tall one learned how to weld.

We got pink eye.

The MTI went back to work.

I've had 2 extra kids.

I. Am. Exhausted.

While on vacation, I ran a 5k, managed to get to the gym once and walked a bazillion miles at the zoo. It was my goal to continue going to the gym and doing my circuits. Or at least try to run. But once I did the 5k, I decided it was time to just rest. I also got sick the day of the 5k and spent half of the day doing things I don't even want to talk about.

Moving on.

We only ate out a few times on vacation(score!) and I was the one cooking. I continued to lose weight and stay on track.

I am so close I can taste it!

So close, as in...5 pounds. Or, if we are going to get into the OCD thing, 7 to make it an even 35 pounds.

I tried on the shorts I had and every pair is falling off of me. Right now I am walking around in a pair of jean shorts that are too big, but I was tired, hot and just wanted to be comfortable.

And I am. Thankyouverymuch.

I need a new swim suit. After all, it is summer here in South Texas already.

That's all I got for now. Dinner is ready. Kinda.

Because it DOES matter.

2011-03-05T22:33:00.000-08:00

I made myself promise I was going to buy myself new clothes this year with a portion of our tax return. I HAD to. There was no "I'll have to wait" or "what's the point" thing this time. I had too. I had purchased three pair of pants since November. Everything else I owned was/is too big. Jeans I've owned since before the oldest was even thought of; baggy, falling off, looking totally stupid-too big.

On Tuesday, I set out to go shopping (ALONE!) and finally purchase jeans that fit me the right way, complimented the right things and that I just had to have. Of course, I stopped at my favorite store, Maurices. On a normal day, I can walk into that place and see 5,001 things that I ~~need~~ ~~want~~ ~~need~~ want so bad I can taste it. But oh no. Not that day.

Le Sigh.

After an hour, 15 pairs of jeans, 5 pairs of capris and many, many, many grunts, groans and sighs later, I walked out with 2 camis and a shirt.

Shopping Fail.

The sad thing is, I was trying on $80 jeans that were so totally awesome(and I would have so totally bought without hesitation). But. I have a lot going on in the back side that prohibits certain jeans from fitting correctly.

Double Le Sigh.

So I flop myself down on the bench in the dressing room and text a friend. "Where do I go to find kick ass jeans?" She replied with a long list of stores, most of which I can't even afford to look at. But the one store she mentioned that I hadn't even thought of was the Buckle. I haven't shopped at the Buckle since I was a sophomore in high school. And back then, they didn't carry big girl sizes(I was a 14). So I leave my go-to store and head to the mall. Reluctant, but go anyway. I need new jeans. And bad.

When I walked into the Buckle, I was a little nervous. I am 28, what in the heck am I even doing in this store?! I found some jeans to try on. Good. We are on the right track. Nothing crazy, no bedazzled pockets(see above statement and having a lot going on back there). I got this...Maybe.

The first pair I try on is too big. Okay, I knew this size was going to be too big, but I didn't want to be disappointed if they weren't. Better to go down a size than up. At least in this brain anyway. The manager quickly agreed they were too big and set out to find the next size down. Word. The correct size in that pair of jeans? Perfect. Heaven. Like a cherry cheesecake wrapped in denim(I ate at CheeseCake Factory today for lunch and passed up the cheesecake. Been thinking about cheesecake all day!). They fit my waist. They fit the party going on back there. The wash was right. The pockets weren't bedazzled. Oh. Em. Gee. The Jean Gods have answered my prayers!

All of this matters. How I feel in my jeans matters! It's been so long since I've slipped on a pair of jeans and just knew they were right. What is most important is, if my jeans fit right, I can dress my size. Which I'm having a hard time doing. Wether I'm at the gym or at the grocery store, I am trying to step out of my comfort zone and dress for my size. It's not always easy and there are a lot of times I have to talk myself into it(you should hear that conversation), but I do it and usually feel better.

I may have dropped a pretty (shiny) penny on new jeans, but it has never felt better. I've worked hard for this. I've earned this. I deserve this.

I also got this really cute shirt too. Not from the Buckle, but none the less, I love it!

Cute doesn't win games. No, no it does not!

Because You're Dying To Know...

2011-02-27T20:03:00.000-08:00

It's no secret I hurt my leg. In November, it was discovered that I had a stress fracture in my femur. Ouch. After two months off, I was ready to go! Except that I totally screwed myself. I now walk with so much swagger, Usher won't even talk to me.

Dangit.

Not only do I walk like I'm 80 and I am in desperate need of a hip replacement, my balance is off, my leg is weak and I'm still having trouble running. And then I found these:

Ugly right? Yeah, I know. But they are awesome! It's seriously like you are barefoot. But your not. You can feel the ground under your feet, but it's not painful. If you don't know what these shoes are, they are the Vibram Five Fingers. They are made to wear while hiking, running, biking, anything really. The whole idea behind them is to get (wo)man to walk the correct way, which is not heel striking. Running/walking on your fore-foot. They also help with balance, which I need. Bad.

From everything I read and heard, they are really hard to get used to. Because you don't have a large amount of support and running on your fore foot, not your heel, you begin to use a different group of muscles. I ran(a couple of miles) and did a training session in them and I am sold. I walk on my toes already(thanks dad!), which means I run like that as well. I had a little burning, but nothing that was strong enough that I felt I needed to stop. I've worn them as much as I could, so my feet could get accustomed to them. They are weird, but they are...well...awesome!

That particular pair in the picture is the Women's Bikila. An actual running shoe. No, really. They just came out with a new version of the Bikila, which has laces. I personally like the style I have much better, but to each his own. My husband bought the Bikila LS for the men(in black) and he LOVES them. Be he also has the Treks and thinks those are pretty sweet as well.

I'm sure for the seasoned runner, these shoes will be not big deal. I absolutely love mine! They make specific socks to wear with them too. I could take 'em or leave 'em.

The only advice I have is if you DO order them, be sure and visit the actual Vibram site. There are an awful lot of fakes out there. I ordered mine on a Monday(which happened to be a Holiday) and had them on Thursday. And when my order wasn't updated with my shipping info, I called and the customer service was AMAZING. Very helpful, told me exactly where my shoes were and when I'd receive them.

So in case you were wondering, I highly recommend these! That, and they are just that sweet!

A Big Fat F.

2011-02-22T16:07:00.000-08:00

I officially took over the title of "Worse Mom Ever" today.

EV.ER.

For two weeks, the oldest has been looking forward to his field trip this week. They are going to the Children's Museum. We've talked about it and talked about it and talked about it some more. He's so excited and even more so that I am going. Even Daddy is going! He's going to get a day with BOTH of us, without the short one tagging along. That doesn't happen very often!

I have planned, re-arranged, planned and prepared to hang out with 25 other 5yr olds for about 6 hours in the smallest, loudest place, ever. The one thing I didn't plan for, was the guilt I would feel TODAY when I picked up the oldest from school.

It was today.

And I forgot.

*face palm* *head desk*

It's crazy how your children can put a guilt trip on you bigger than the entire solar system in less than 30 seconds. And then put you over the edge sobbing in the car trying to use your iPhone, that is now covered in tears to call your husband in the 30 seconds after that.

So, with that, I will be taking over The Worst Mom Ever title. I wish I could say I was taking it with pride. But I am so not. The holiday this week has me all jacked up. I could have sworn it was tomorrow. The MTI and I were even at lunch today, talking about the field trip and how excited the oldest was going to be that he was going too. I mean, this conversation took place TODAY. While the oldest was ON HIS FIELD TRIP.

Parenting Fail.

And the kicker? His teacher was concerned as to why I wasn't there. But did she call me? NO.

RAWR!

The "D" Word.

2011-02-12T12:50:00.000-08:00

D.I.E.T.

As in: Do I (have to) Eat That?

Yes, Actually. I do. Or at least I need to. See, physical activity isn't so much of a challenge for me. I love it. I can do it. I am not above getting all sweaty and red faced while working the heck out of my core. Not above it at all.

But then there is the *coughahemcough*...the diet. And this is where I struggle.

I sit here typing this knowing that I ate a healthy bowl of cinnamon toast crunch for breakfast(hey, it was with fat free milk). Or that I had a BLT from Sonic last night. Or for lunch today I ate half of a Totinos Pepperoni party pizza that was left over from lunch.

But telling you that isn't going to fix the fact that I ate it. And it was good. But that I also now feel like I need to go run 12,000 miles when I can barely walk. Or that my kids ate their lunch outside on the sand covered picnic table because they have no idea what it means to "use your INSIDE voice". I'm also positive that someone who is reading this is rolling their eyes and gaw-faw-ing at how I could let my kids eat on a table that is dirty.

Well dear reader, I have two boys. One of which cannot leave the sand IN the sandbox, no matter how many times I remind him. Or he gets "time-out" from the sand box. Or he is sent to his room, where he coincidentally drives ME crazy because he can't stand to be sent to his room so I get to then repeatedly say "please go back upstairs to your room and think about how we do NOT throw the sand (in your brothers face, on the ground, at the dog etc).

Anyway. Back to the point.

According to my scale, I am 9/10lbs from my goal. According to the official scale my trainer uses(Hi You!), I am 7lbs from my goal. Either way, I am just kinda blah.

I know it's a lack of planning(read: Being lazy). My schedule is kinda all over the place right now. I need to plan better. I need to re-focus my efforts. I have the sweat/burn/move thing down. Now it's time to re-focus on where I need the help. Which is obviously, food.

I refuse to refer to it as a diet. I despise that word. I'm having a hard time with fresh fruits/veggies because so little of what I love are in season. It's hard to try new things because I(and the oldest) are the only ones who will eat it. And even the oldest one is iffy. He likes the staples, strawberries, apples, peaches, cucumbers, broccoli, etc.

Today (at some point) I need to get out and go get fresh fruit/veggies etc. Tomorrow I need to plan for the week. And come Monday, I need to follow through with my plan.

And that, is my plan.

Training. Day Numero Dos.

2011-02-08T10:59:00.000-08:00

Today is day 2 of half marathon training. I am following Hal Higdons Half-Marathon Novice training schedule to the best of my abilities and comfort.

Today's 3mi run was brutal. It was hard. It was cold. It was windy. Probably the hardest 3mi I've ran since my very first 5k in July!

I also decided today after goofing around with my iPod in the sauna, that I'd do a vlog on my run days. To keep track of where I am at, how I'm doing and how far I have to go. (I hate watching myself on video. It's like a train wreck. You don't want to watch, but you just can't look away!) Be gentle.

After stretching, I found a trainer at the gym and we discussed the now present issue with my leg. My shin is no longer hurting(yay!). The problem now is, after I did hurt my shin, I favored my right leg. I am right leg dominate anyway. So I am struggling with muscle fatigue in my left leg. Lots of stretching, working it, ankle turns and making sure I am not altering my walk/runs to favor my left leg should help. It's so weird, I'd much rather just go back to when my leg didn't bother me.

I am pretty tight across my shoulders/arms and my lower back from my strength yesterday. It's a good tight, though.

I have a lot of work to do. I see the next few weeks being the hardest while I get used to doing strength/stretching 3 days a week and running/cross(swim) 4 days.

I need a new pair of shoes! And FAST!

6 out of 7

2011-01-30T18:10:00.000-08:00

Well, 'ello again! It's been quite a week around here! I've been in a pretty foul mood, made more than my fair share of bad food choices and got my exercise on!

I got my sweat on 6 out of 7 days, which is totally awesome.

Okay. I think it is. *shrug*

Oh, you want a break down? Sure, don't mind if I do.

Monday: 9 part circuit work-out with trainer. (hello death, it was nice to see you!)

Tuesday: 2.45mi run, into the wind. (probably not a good choice)

Wednesday: 4 part times 3ea circuit work-out with trainer and friend(Hi B!).

Thursday: I did NOTHING. And when I say nothing, I mean...NOTHING. It was everything I ever thought nothing could be. The end.

Friday: Weights with trainer and friend. (to which I woke up Saturday morning unable to function.)

Saturday: 2.10mi run with friend (this run was rough. 'ruff.)

Sunday: 4.31mi walk (It was gorgeous weather! And I am still sore from Friday. Did you know there are muscles in your under-arm pities? Well, I am here to tell you there is and mine hurt. Bad.)

Overall, good week on the exercise front. Too bad it didn't help my foul mood. But none the less, I got my sweat on plenty this week, go me!

Now, onto my nemesis. Food.

*bang head against wall. Repeatedly.*

I made some really, really, really poor choices this week. And because I am all for accountability, I'm going to share with you, my poor choices and hope like hell it helps me make better choices this week.

Doubtful, but we'll see.

I had taco bell two days this week. Two freaking days. Idiot. I'm not going to lie, it was good. Heavenly even. But after each time, all I could hear was Jillian telling that kid(orange mother/son team from OK) on Biggest Loser(Season ?) how many carbs, fat sodium and calories are in it. Regardless of what my brain was saying, my stomach was screaming at me because it tasted so good. So good.

I made bacon, egg and cheese quesadilla's too. What am I? Stupid? (don't answer that!). I added veggies to mine, but still. Also, one morning I went to Sonic and got a cherry vanilla coke and a frito chili cheese wrap.

Luckily, for as many bad choices I made, I made just as many, if not more good choices. Lots of grilled chicken, steamed veggies, brown rice, fruit(!) and water. Phew! I do still have some sense about me. Especially with it being the end of the month and I am in desperate need to go on a massive grocery trip. I am actually planning my menu after I finish this!

Earlier in the week, I realized I am only 10lbs away from my goal. Anything after that is just an added bonus. I've been at this point for at least a month(hello, plateau. Go away. Thanks.). I either need to up my cardio, change my diet(duh!) or both. Time to get on that. Pronto!

We had a very productive weekend. Or something like it. I got to work-out both days and we got a few things done around the house. I finished my project, which was painting and antiquing an armoir. It turned out exactly how I wanted it to. First time that's ever happened! The short one had a friend spend the night, which was a welcome break for mommy! Those two...it's a good thing they are cute, because they can get into all kinds of shenanigans!

We played in the sand box, made a yummy dinner both nights and watched some movies. I even got some of the laundry put away. That in itself is a major accomplishment!

I have a busy week ahead of me and I am doing a 5k next Saturday! Have an awesome week!

untitled

2011-01-28T17:46:00.000-08:00

This week went by too fast. It feels like my husband just shipped his flight. When actually, it has been almost five days. And in 3 days, he will return to work. And it will all be on me. Again.

I really hate this job sometimes. Okay. A lot of the time.

You see, before this job, there was a week AND a weekend. I looked forward to the end of the day. And lunch time. Because I was guaranteed to see my husband. Weekends were the times we spent together. Playing outside, watching movies, racing cars on the living room floor, baking green pancakes and cookies as a family.

Now, while the shorts and I still may do those things...They are no longer done as a family. Eating dinner together is such a rare treat. Having my husband home to take out the trash is a real treat.

This job. Ugh.

The good thing is, this job isn't forever. (Thank You Jesus!). Again, someday, we will have our time together and I won't feel guilty about going to have drinks with a girlfriend while my husband sits at home watching the same episode of Barrett-Jackson Car Auction.

I'm tired this week. I think I need to have my iron checked again. I'm not sure. I just know that I'm tired. The only motivation I have is to go to the gym. Which isn't a bad thing, unless you plan on walking into my house anytime soon.

This weekend, it is supposed to be cold and wet. I plan on staying home. As in, not leaving this house all weekend.

We'll see how long that lasts.

Especially since I used all the eggs tonight for dinner.

Darn it.

I Take It Back

2011-01-27T10:43:00.000-08:00

Last week, I told my trainer we needed to up the anti on my workouts.

I am such an idiot.

He did just that and I am paying for it. In more ways than one.

sigh. ouch. wince. whine.

It hurts to walk, sit, stand, lay down. It hurts to do just about anything. The good thing is, you can bounce a quarter off my arse. The bad thing is, it hurts. Really, really hurts.

Planks have become my nemesis and my obliques are not happy with me today. In a weird way, I love it. It is refreshing to leave my workouts tired, as I haven't had a real challenge with them for a while.

I am going to have to let my body adjust to the new routine before I add anymore pavement time. After a killer (nine) circuit work-out Monday, I tried to do a short 3 miles on Tuesday. No matter how hard I tried or how deep I reached, I just didn't have it in me. And rightfully so.

I did a 2.5 mile run/walk into the wind and just could not do anymore. But I did something and that was all that mattered to me!

After another intense (4 stations x3 each) circuit yesterday, I was in a bit of pain. I was tired. And I was sick. I left that session needing to puke. My sessions are timed. 1 hour each. My trainer (and myself) know when and if I've been working hard by when I have to stop and fight the urge to puke. I put my entire being into my sessions. If I don't have to stop, it's apparent I am not there, something is a miss. Yesterday, I had to stop three times. And that's okay. At least I know my limit and that I am doing my best and working my hardest.

And I can feel it today.

I've been going to bed early the past week, in an attempt to fight this anxiety induced insomnia I've been dealing with. Up-ing the intensity of my work-outs and adding more cardio has helped also. I've been in bed, if not asleep by 9:30. Getting the chance to sleep in with The MTI down this week hasn't hurt either!

We have been busy completing a project, which is now done!

Now onto the other project I have to complete before Sunday!

I'm trying to stay busy completing things around the house and spending time with my husband, who is actually home this week!

The Big Switch

2011-01-24T06:13:00.000-08:00

In my work-out routine, that is.

For the past few weeks, I have been teetering. Stuck in a plateau if you will. I know, I know. I said I wouldn't weigh myself, but it is something I need to know. I totally know it's a mental thing, but it's just something I need to know. I did put my scale away and only weight myself at the gym, so that has helped tremendously, being I don't live at the gym(even that's debatable).

Friday, I had a chat with my trainer and told him I wasn't sure what needed to happen(he's the professional), but something needed to change. I don't want to just build muscle, I need to lose poundage. So, as of today, I may be eating my words.

I'm skeered.

I started walking again last week. My walking partner is finally out of the gross, nauseating first trimester so she feels up to it again, yay! We got 2 walks in and I got my first(and fastest long run to date) in on Wednesday when my trainer flaked on me(you did).

I set out to do at least 4 miles, but not totally for sure I would have it in me. Good thing is, I was overly frustrated and took a route that I would either have to walk or run back. I hit three and still felt really good, so I didn't turn where I usually do, which would have resulted in 4. I kept going and the last half mile, I was starting to get tired. I heard my Nike+ companion spit out 4.75mi and I went the extra .25 and hit 5.05mi before I was standing in the gym parking lot. I didn't stop and walk, I did have to stop twice to let cars pass on the road, but no stopping to walk because I was tired. I kept the same pace the entire run and completed in 53 minutes.

The only thing that frustrates me is that I have lost my speed(I've only ran two other times since hurting my leg and nothing over 3mi), but I haven't lost stamina, which is what takes for.ev.er. to build up.

My eating has been on point better than it had been. I found more zip and steam bags, which are my kitchen have to. Love steamed veggies, hate cleaning up the steamer(I use my rice cooker). Besides, the water smells. Yuck.

I wish I had time to check the twitter stream more often, but I just don't. My kids are starting to resent the computer(and my iphone) and are acting out. I have been trying to put all of my energy into the shorts, the house and my work-outs. As I type this in a huge hurry, my 3yr old is getting restless and starting to get into all kinds of shenanigans.

I hope everyone has a great, active, healthy week!

Where I've been. And back.

2011-01-20T16:25:00.000-08:00

This is Me. And that cute guy is my husband. After we got engaged, but before we were married. (why hello Captain Obvious, so nice to see you!) October 2004.

Six whole months after that picture was taken (and I was married), This happened:

And my body was no longer mine. I am 34 weeks pregnant in that picture. And as big as a barn. Moo!

One night, while traveling quite possibly the bumpiest stretch of Interstate 40 in Oklahoma City, I went into labor. At 36 weeks and 4 days.

Which coincidentally, resulted in him:

*sigh* He was perfect. And he was mine. And perfect.

A year later, here ~~I am~~ we are:

2 months later, this happened:

CRAP! Now what?!

28 weeks:(This is where it gets interesting)

8 months later, this is where we parked our cars:

Holy baby belly batman!

We ended up with this little guy, who was 11lbs of baby!

I'd like to take a moment to say something: The short one was a singleton. There was no twin. EVER.

Merry Christmas! The short one is 2m and I'm still in maternity clothes. Booyah!

3 months later, and we were still parking at least one car in my stomach. I really really really hate this next picture. For one, I look 16. And two, my face looks like a frickin' beach ball. Ugh. I'm posting it to make a point. I was fat. I pretty much stayed behind the camera at this point. I hated seeing pictures of myself. It was depressing and painful. And made me cry.

And then my niece was born and we got a chance to go to the beach:

And I hated it because I did NOT want to be seen in a swim suit. But it was June and South Carolina. I didn't really have an option. And I hate to sweat.

But things got better. I started running the same month this picture was taken:

3 months later, here I am:

And then we got orders. Which required my husband to go to school for 6 weeks. I went home and lived with my in-laws(God love them!) to be closer to my husband and have help with my boys. I stopped running. I lost weight, but only because I was so incredibly stressed out. I spent my days being laying out by the pool and not doing much of anything, except starving myself. Which didn't have much effect on my weight, just made me really tired.

This was in July of '09:

I looked god, I felt good and after all, I had a tan going. We bought a house, moved and started a new job. I felt better as long as I was eating. Fast forward a year and about 15lbs:

I knew I had to get a grip. I had made up excuses far too long. 3 weeks after that picture was taken, I ran my first 5k, ever.

That's where it all started. One 5k. I've ran as much as I could, including 3 5k's until I hurt my shin(stress fracture). I have lost 22+ pounds and gained a bang full of muscle. Not to mention confidence. I feel good. Sure, I have my days, but they are few and far between now.

See? I'm even a nut job sometimes.

No, for real though.

I've got to get in front of the camera more. It rarely happens. Probably because I rarely pick my camera up anymore. *sigh*

The point behind this entire post? Everyone starts somewhere. I was very athletic and in shape before I had kids. It's just something we, as mothers do. Put ourself last after our heart breathes life into another human being. Finally, three years later I am finding myself again. Slowly, but the old me is in there somewhere. Every once in a while, I see her shining through completely. She's making a come back. Other times, the Amanda I became steps forward and I have to slap her in the forehead and tell her to give it up. She's done.

I have my days. We all have our days. But I have yet to give up. I've said it once, and I'll say it again. I will not allow myself to give up. It is not an option this time. I have so much more to live for.

See?

The end.

The Plague Files, Day ?

2011-01-17T07:00:00.000-08:00

I have lost count. We are on day 9 or something like that. I know for a fact we are darn close to double digit numbers if we aren't already well within them.

It all started with the Tall One. 5 days of fever, throwing up, diarrhea(<~I really hate spelling that word). The whole nine yards.

Around day 2 of the Tall One being brought down by the plague, I come up with strep. Fabulous! Day 4 of the Tall one having the plague, my husband comes down with it. Sweet!

We all know that husbands are worse than kids when they are sick. Right about the time I start to feel relief in my throat(and ears), The Plague is passed onto me.

Fabulous. Effing Fabulous.

My husband spent 6 hours in the ER Saturday getting 3 bags of fluids, being forced to down 3 liters of water and an anti-nausea shot while I was at home, dying myself AND caring for the short people.

Yesterday, I was incoherent for the entire day. I finally was awake enough at FIVE PM to realize I had been out of it all.day.long. That was super fun. I got up and had to go get my husband some anti-diarrhea medicine and milk for the shorts from wal-greens. Even though I think the afore mentioned medicine was all for not, I bought it anyway so I could say I Told You So.

How is it we both can have the same thing, yet I can function, take care of the kids, house, meals, laundry and everything else that goes with being the awesome Me and he can't even roll over to turn his phone off?

I am feeling better today, but we'll see how my stomach is in a little bit. The only thing that sucks is that the short one has been saying his tummy hurts and is now running a fever too.

(And my husband made himself fried eggs this morning and the smell is making me want to hurl.)

I need to get to the gym and try to get in some cardio because I don't think my meeting with the trainer on Wednesday is going to happen...but I'm just not sure I have it in me.

This is my post for Mamavation. This is all I gots. I've been on a steady diet of gatorade and crackers/toast. I'm not weighing myself at home(only at the gym, once a week). But I will say that all of my clothes are now too big(they were too big before The Plague) and I cannot wait to go shopping for new ones!

Hopefully, this will be the last episode of The Plague Files.

Ear infections, dents and quitting myfitnesspal.

2011-01-11T13:46:00.000-08:00

I'm super stressed. The tall one is sick, the short one is on high annoyance alert and my nerves can't handle it again. Today. This is day two and according to the dr and the pharmacy that took days to just activate a prescription, there is going to be a day three.

Someone, shoot me. Just put me out of my misery. Please. I'm begging you.

I know you can see that thing on the floor of my kitchen, the chord to the vacuum and my bag for the gym. Get over it. My house is falling apart at the seams and I'm just going to let it happen.

So yeah, the tall one is sick. Not only sick, but also dehydrated and running a pretty kickin' fever. So being five and all, he's a whole barrel of fun right about now.

Or not.

You know when your kids are small and you think to yourself "I can't wait until my child is older and can tell me what is wrong."? Yeah. I'm here to tell you that it is not all glamorous and as fabulous as you think it's going to be. Instead of crying, now they can talk AND whine. At the same time.

At. The. Same. Time. People. At the same time.

Luckily, an alternating dose of tylenol and motrin seems to be the cure for that. And a beer. For me of course.

Now, with the tall one being sick, the short one is on high annoyance alert. He's getting into all kinds of trouble and shenanigans. He's constantly bored and wants nothing to do with anything. Unless of course, it's irritating his sick brother or being up my butt. Which, by the way, is super fun.

Or not.

Today, while at the dr, he dented a car with my car door. I could have puked all over the parking lot. I just felt sick. I've been there. Coming out of an appointment or even wal-mart and seeing someone was just so careless and messed up YOUR car. It makes me nauseous just thinking about it. Again. I left my number and am more than willing to fix the car. It's just infuriating. I literally had just told him to NOT get out without my help and BAM!

A few days ago, I stopped tracking my calories on MyFitnessPal. After being very diligent with it for weeks, I realized that I was sabotaging myself. Becoming crazy weird about calories consumed, calories burned and the whole bit. Instead of being conscious of what I was putting in my mouth, I was only conscious about the calories in whatever I was eating. Which, is pointless when they are empty calories. I was eating whatever, whenever and was okay with it as long as I was staying within my calories.

I also noticed I was going beyond necessary levels of working out to grab those extra calories so I could just EAT.

So, with that, I have quit MyFitnessPal. I think it is a fabulous tool and works great. Just not for me. In the three days since I've stopped tracking, I've made better choices and am doing things because I want and need to. Not because I feel like I have to. I'm no dummie. I know what to do and how to do it.

With that, I am signing off. I've got dishes and laundry taunting me. Thankfully, the natives are napping.

A case of the Monday's

2011-01-09T15:59:00.000-08:00

I just can't do it anymore. I am not okay with my stomach. I am not okay with the sagging skin. I am not okay with having to tuck in loose skin into my pants. I am not okay with putting on a pair of shorts, jeans, pants etc and seeing the pooch that the saggy skin causes. It's either an added pooch right under the waist of my pants or you can't see the button on my pants because my stomach is hanging over the top.

I cannot do it anymore. It's gross and disgusting. I hate it. It is the one thing that makes me want to give up. (which, I'm not going to do, just saying that it is the one thing).

I know people work out for years to achieve their own personal goals. Kudos to you if you are one of them. But I've been dealing with this loose skin since my youngest was born. At 2 weeks post-partum, I knew it was there and that it wasn't going away. I've dealt with it for 3 years. It makes me angry, sad, disappointed, sick. I hate it.

It is not my ultimate goal to have a wash board stomach. While it would be nice, it is not my goal. Added bonus maybe, but not my goal. I just want a flat stomach so I can fit into jeans with having a front pocket where my jeans have that gap. I just want to wear clothes in my actual size. I just want to be happy with what I see and not disgusted.

I ran today with the boys in the jogger. It felt amazing to get our there and run. I was in a pretty sour mood before hand and needed to get out. I'm glad I did. But have way through my run, I was angry. I was hot and all I had on underneath my hoodie was my sports bra. I can't take it off and run without it, I don't even want to see myself like that, how could someone else.

Then I got home and did my sets of 10 for push-ups and sit-ups. 10 push-ups, 10 sit-ups. 9 push-ups, 9 sit-ups. 8 push-ups, 8 sit-ups and so on, until you get to 1.

Right in the middle, I had a complete ugly cry break down. I'm just mad. Angry really. I want it GONE. On top of just being totally completely uncomfortable in my own skin, I have about 5 other issues in my abdomen that need to be fixed and no one is willing to do so unless I commit to exploratory surgery.

No. Thank. You.

The pain I deal with on a daily basis and the fact that I am uncomfortable in my own skin on a daily basis doesn't matter. They want me to be a guinea pig for something they have no idea what they are looking for. I'm sorry, but the last time I was cut open, it was clear what they were going in after. Him:

So no, I will not be letting anyone cut me open to see what they can eff up. So until I figure something out, I'll just be angry and hate this one thing. And don't tell me to learn to embrace it, because I've been trying for THREE YEARS and it's only getting worse. So, thank you for the kind words of encouragement, but save them. I'm not okay with it and I never will be.

I will be clear about something though. I am not giving up or quitting. I will continue to strive toward my fitness and wellness goals. As well as meet and exceed them. But for today, I will be pissed off that I have to tuck my stomach into my jeans when I get dressed in the morning.

What's in your head?

2011-01-08T16:06:00.000-08:00

We all have visions in our heads. Not of sugar plums or anything like that, but of what we think we see and what we want to see.

I know, for me, that what I see and what my husband sees are not the same thing. I swear that we have a Shallow Hal type thing going on around here. He sees me the way I looked before kids and I see me now, and of course the way I see myself is not the way I actually look.

Clear as mud? Thought so.

This is what I see:

(courtesy google images)

This is what my husband see's:

(courtesy Google Images)

Now, don't get me wrong. What my husband sees is awesome. I just want to see that too. I want to look in the mirror and see the things I've accomplished. To see the old Amanda. The one that didn't have stretch marks or sagging skin pre-babies. And while I am on the way back to her, (you know, other than the stretch marks and sagging skin), I just want to see what I've accomplished and not what I dislike so much about my body.

Take for instance, the past few days. That same spot in my stomach has been bothering me beyond normal, my abdomen is sore and swollen because of said spot and it just makes me feel so blah. My face is having some kind of malfunction and is broken out beyond belief(almost positive that this is because of the holidays, going back to OK and having company and not being very diligent with my eating). Every few weeks, I have day(s) like this. Of course, I have days where I feel great and know what I've accomplished. I can see it, I can feel it. But it's so damn frustrating that I cannot see past my stomach.

I can. not. see. past. my. sagging. stretch. marked. skin.

No, really. Sure, I have muscle definition in my arms, my flappers aren't as big as they were 4 months ago, my legs don't catch on each other when I'm walking, my core is stronger, legs leaner, inches lost and down 3 pant sizes. But I cannot get past that one thing.

Then there is my husband again. He still see's the me before I had kids and got this saggy, stretch marked skin.

And I love him for that. But why can't I love me? I love my kids more than anything. It's not like I'm looking at them and thinking "ugh. You brats. You've ruined me. RUINED." Because a) I would never, could never think that. I chose to be a mom and those boys are the cats meow. b) It's just not who I am.

I constantly find myself pushing those negative thoughts to the back of my brain and try my hardest to cover them up with thoughts of working out, playing trains or tickle monster with my boys. But then I have a day(s) like today(or yesterday) and those thoughts come barreling forward and take over.

It's so exhausting.

But if there is one thing I have learned, it is that this whole thing is a process. Not a quick fix. I mean, Rome wasn't built overnight. Slowly and permanently, those thoughts are coming less and less. Besides, if I don't love me, how is anyone else going to? Working on myself has been and is a trip. I am seriously effed up.

I am halfway done with this marathon and I cannot wait to be at the end. To start the next marathon of my life. Along the way, I am gaining confidence and learning to love myself in a way I never knew was possible.

A New Year's Post

2011-01-03T16:13:00.000-08:00

It's the first Sunday of the new year and while the short ones take a bath, I am on the laptop. Rambling about a whole lot of nothing. You know, no biggie.

I have taken a huge step back in my social media participation. All things included. FaceBook, Twitter, Mamavation, even texting! I just can't spend all day with my phone in my hand, checking status updates, watching little Tommy get his first bite of spaghetti into his mouth and checking twitter stream to see if in the off chance, someone included my handle in their tweet. Besides, I'm not to keen on talking to myself.

Besides, I have this huge fear of rejection that I just can't handle. And when not one single person responds to a singe tweet I send out for DAYS, it cuts. It cuts deep. Which is probably why I don't blog well either. Yes, this blog is for me. But really. Who doesn't blog for the comments? To know someone feels the way you do or what have you. And if the same person who left that nasty anonymous comment on my other blog is reading this, please, go. Somewhere that is not here. I don't have time for someone who can't stand behind their very own thought. Thank you.

*ahem* Moving On.

I weighed myself on New Year's Day. It will be the last time I weigh myself until February 1st. I have become obsessive compulsive about weighing myself. We are talking multiple times a day. I like to call it, Obsessive Compulsive Weighing Disorder, or OCWD for short. I was weighing myself first thing in the morning, after breakfast, before heading to the gym, at the gym before my workout, after my workout, mid afternoon, after dinner and before bed. Now, not everyday was like that, but most days were almost if not the exact thing.

It is sad that I even have to admit this. But even my husband has noticed(and why hasn't he taken the scale?!) and told me it was getting out of hand. And as much as I hate to admit it, he is right. So I weighed myself that morning, expecting a huge disappointment as I may have had a little to much fun on NYE and was pleasantly surprised! Considering the last few weeks, I have actually lost and/or maintained. I am proud of that accomplishment alone.

I finally went grocery shopping today and am all set to start this new year off right. I made kick ASS quesadillas for dinner(whole wheat Tortilla, easy cheese, grilled chicken, green onions, fresh salsa, light sour cream) and finally switched out the gas for the grill(empty). I cannot wait to cook this week! Plenty of fresh veggies to steam/grill and lots of fruit to snack on. My go to snack lately has been apples and oranges with cottage cheese.

Winter Break is over as off today. Is it so wrong of me to be so incredibly excited about it? I cannot wait to get back to our normal! God bless teachers for all that they do!

I'm out! Baths, books and bed await me!

2010. A Year In Review.

2010-12-31T08:48:00.000-08:00

It's been a year full of high's and low's. ~~Many~~ Most of which, I never blogged about. It's just too personal. But that's neither here nor there because that is what a blog is all about. Insert resolution numero uno.

I digress. Here are my High's and Low's of 2010.

High's:

~ I started a weight loss journey to find myself again. In doing so, I've lost 22 pounds.
~ I started running again.
~ The boys are old enough to actually enjoy Sea World!
~ The boys are no longer afraid to free float with a life jacket!!!!
~ I got a brand new car and it ~~was~~ is everything I thought it would be.
~ We are 1.5yrs down on our tour here. Only 2.5 to go!
~ I've made some of the best friends a girl could ask for!
~ My babies turned 3 & 5!
~ I just celebrated my six year wedding anniversary.
~ My aunt came to visit! I hadn't seen her in 2 years!
~ I ran and completed 3 5k's!
~ Both of the boys started school!

Low's:

~ I've struggled with some very real depression.
~ The short one fell and busted his mouth, resulting in a gray tooth(yes, this is a low.)
~ The oldest still has not tested out of speech therapy.
~ My marriage has been hanging on by the skin of it's teeth.
~ My husband works 16-18hrs a day, 7 days a week. He's taken 9 days of vacation since August 2009.
~ My babies turned 3 & 5.
~ I watched and took part in the demise of the relationship with my mom and baby sister.
~ I didn't make my half marathon goal due to a stress fracture :(
~ My anxiety has hit an all time high.
~ Both of the boys started school :(

More high's than low's, it seems. Or perhaps my subconscious has blocked everything. These are the ones I can remember and they are the ones that matter.

The Eve of Christmas Eve, Post.

2010-12-23T15:31:00.000-08:00

I have about twenty thousand things I ~~could~~ ~~should~~ could be doing. Things like folding laundry, putting away laundry, vacuuming the stairs, steam cleaning my carpets, scrubbing toilets...Okay, you get the point.

Twenty Thousand.

But here I sit. Rambling on about the twenty thousand things I could be doing. One of which, is baking cookies for Santa. But Santa has pissed me off. I'm not even sure if Santa is going to even get A single cookie. I might just leave a celery stick and some decaf coffee. That'll show him. Jerk.

In all seriousness though, for reasons I can't particularly get into, I am irritated beyond belief and have found myself scrounging at the last minute to get some things together in preparation for Friday/Saturday. And I am not happy. Especially when I thought after my ill fated trip to (three) Target(s) this morning was brought to a very happy ending.

(And this is where I learn the lesson to never think everything is going to turn out the way you want it to. Because it doesn't. And it won't.)

~~Ugh~~. Double Ugh.

Moving on.

My leg is still shaky. I've tried to run on a few different occassions and I'm just not ready to bare full weight on it yet. I am extremely frustrated with it, but know not to push myself and prevent permanent injury. But man is it frustrating!

We(the boys and I) were on vacation last week and I am pleasantly pleased with myself. Not only did I eat well, I managed to lose weight! Even though I took the five days we were gone to rest(and besides that, we were SO incredibly busy!), I still managed to do really well.

It was back at it yesterday and I was presented with a new workout that absolutely killed me. I am sore today. It hurts to drive. Yes, that sore. Seems my back took the brunt of it, but my arms and chest are sore as well.

Now it's time to get things done around here. We are having company on Sunday and I CANNOT wait!!!!!!!!

Have a very merry Holiday!!!

THE Stats

2010-12-13T12:41:00.000-08:00

The Air Force, God love it, offers a great service at the on base gym. Personal Training. Now that both boys are in school, I have the time(at least 3 days a week for 3 hours) to work-out in PEACE. No just getting my rhythm and someone having to go potty. Or being almost done with an entire work-out only for WW III to break out over some toy that "I HAD FIRST!".

*sigh*

Nope, none of that for me anymore. At least 3 days a week for 3 hours. My first meeting with the trainer, we did what is called a micro-fit test. It tests everything from your back flexibility, blood pressure, resting heart rate and body fat to how many push-ups you can do in a minute.

Then of course, it rates you. Anything from "needs work", "fair", "fit" and lastly, "excellent". My very first Micro-Fit test, I was only rated "excellent" in 2 categories. Resting heart rate and bicep strength. Most everything else was "fair", few were "fit" and a couple were "needs work".

I re-did the test this morning to check my progress. It has been 8 weeks since my last Micro-fit eval. I am pleasantly surprised by my results.

My bicep strength, which was "excellent" before, went from 63 to 66. still excellent. My body fat went from 34.6("needs work") to 29("fair"). My blood pressure(which has never been an issue for me) went from "fair" to "fit". My push-ups. I killed this. Probably my biggest improvement, overall. I went from 7 push-ups in a minute("needs work") to 35 push-ups in a minute("excellent"). And we are not talking "female" push-ups. We are talking the real deal lucille, kind of push-ups. Sit-ups, 30("fair") to 41("excellent") in a minute.

The only area that didn't have great improvement was my back flexibility(which, oddly enough, doesn't cause me any kind of issue in the ahem bedroom ahem). I went from a 9 to a 17, both still "needs work". But I'm working on that. Slowly but surely. It is obvious why I never excelled in dance or gymnastics. I stuck to track and soccer, thankyouverymuch.

Other stats from today are as follows:

I lost 4.1% in weight, 8.1% in my triceps(or my bat wings), 19.0% in my stomach and 31.1% in my legs(which he couldn't even get a hold of, rock.hard.legs). I also gained 4.2% in lean muscle. My body fat went down 16.2%(from "needs work" to "fair") and I lost 10lbs since we started working together.

My trainer is certain that by March, I will be where I want to be and then it will be maintaining.

I am still in awe over how many push-ups I did. Insanity!

In which I Ramble.

2010-12-08T11:21:00.000-08:00

I posted the other day that I was very proud of myself. What I have accomplished, where I am going, who I am now, all of it. I am. Please don't misunderstand that. I haven't worked my tail off to not feel great about who or what I have accomplished.

But.

(Man, that pesky but. It's always around.)

I am so entirely frustrated, I could scream. Actually, I want to just go lay in bed and cry. In a bag of popcorn. Or something.

NONE of my clothes fit.

Okay, so that is a slight exaggeration. But(see? There it is again!). If it's not too big, it's too small. Very few of my shirts fit just right. My bras are too big. My UNDERWEAR is too big.

It's frustrating. To say the least.

I could scream. The price of clothes is outrageous. Maybe this is because I'm used to buying shirts for $7.99 or even $12.50. Yeah, for my boys.

The same shirt in the Women's department? $24.50. Wait. Um, WHAT?!

The other day, I bought 2 long sleeved thermals from Target. A) because I bought one a few weeks ago and LOVE it. B) Because it's getting cold and most of my favorite shirts are short sleeved. C) because they were $12.99-which I still thought was high.

Now I'm looking for a vest/jacket to wear with those particular thermals and my jeggings. *sigh* I love those things. Best. Purchase. Ever.

Anyway, back to my point.

I'm just frustrated. I will not go out and just shop, buy things and not be able to buy my kids a shirt they like or take them to chuck e cheese. I just cannot do it. My kids come first.

And there in lies the problem.

We're not even going to get into this week. The fact that I feel like a stock cow, ready for butcher to be sold at high dollar prices. Actually, scratch that. I'd be cheap as all get out because all I'd be is fat. Which ~~in part~~ entirely has to do with the fact that I inhaled almost an entire box of Peanut Butter Capn Crunch in the span of twenty four hours. Stupid Sodium. Some with out milk, some with milk. Doesn't matter. All I know, is I woke up feeling disgusted and threw the rest of the box in the trash. We won't even mention how my mouth feels either. When will I learn?!

I'm just having one of those weeks. Everything is bothering me, nothing is helping me and I've just resorted to wallowing in self pity. I tried today to get it all out by going to the gym. I woke up feeling better than I had in days. And then I stepped on that god-forsaken scale.

I am such an idiot. Majority of my problem yesterday was that I weighed myself and the scale was not being so nice. 7lbs?! I GAINED 7 POUNDS?! Okay Okay. I know, it's not possible to gain 7 pounds in a day, but yesterday, I sure felt like I had succeeded in the impossible. And I was pissed.

So today. Yeah. I woke up feeling better than I had in days(it's been a roller coaster with my blood sugars the past few days, never fun). I ate breakfast, got the shorts to school and headed to the gym. But I wasn't there. No matter how hard I tried, my mind just wasn't in the work out. Everything but the workout was where my mind was. It just wasn't where I needed it to be.

My trainer asked me a few times if I needed to stop(Read: Give up). I said no each time and kept going. I needed this work out. I wanted this work out. BUT WHY AM I NOT IN THE WORK OUT?! I was frustrated to say the least. I fully expected to get into the sauna and bawl my eyes out. I didn't, but I wanted to.

The scale was nicer to me at the gym. Sweating out all that blasted sodium was fabulous. I am going to be sore as h e double hockey sticks tomorrow, but you know what? It was worth it.

(side note: I actually lost another 1.5lbs this week. I was back to normal today.)

This week is not being kind. I am over this whole BMT thing. I am over not having my husband here to help me with dishes, bed time, baths, books, homework, laundry, ANY thing(side note: KUDOS to all you single moms!). The boys are over it. They miss daddy. I miss daddy. Do you know what it's like to kiss your husband good-bye at 3a and not see and/or hear from him until 8/9pm? Yeah well, it sucks. I'm over comments people make. I've worked my tail off to lose this weight. I'm not cheating, I'm not starving myself, I'm doing this the healthy way. I'm frustrated with people. I'm frustrated with things. I'm frustrated I can't run. My leg is still bothering me and all I want to do is run. Even a short jog to the car is uneasy.

Over. It.

But. (see? again!)

I have not given up hope. I have not let myself quit. Or fail. Failure is not an option and keeping with the gym is the only way to get rid of this. Because if I was going to quit at all, it would for sure be this week.

I won't. Trust.

Things That Are Said

2010-12-03T11:49:00.000-08:00

In a training session. Beware virgin ears. This could get ugly. Actually, it will. Get ugly that is.

Things said in a training session by Moi:

~ "I hate you right now."

~ "You can't be serious."

~ "You've lost your marbles."

~ "How many? You said (enter number here)."

~ "I hate you right now."

~ "shut up."

~ "I'm not from Russia. Do not rush me."

~ "Shut up Amanda, you can do this." (to myself)

And repeat.

Things said by my trainer(in response to me), in a training session:

~ "I know you do."

~ "oh, I am serious."

~ "Yes, yes I have."

~ "Did I? Well, let's change that." (jerk).

~ "You don't hate me or you wouldn't keep coming back."

~ "(laughing)" {at this point, I'm looking for anyway to injure him while he's spotting me}

~ "(laughing)"

~ "That's right, you can do this."

~ "Your husband is a lucky man. You are definitely a keeper."

If I didn't enjoy getting the crap beat out of me for 60-90 minutes three times a week, these sessions would suck. Fortunately for me, I do enjoy this and the banter makes it fun. We usually also have music going and I'll randomly break out in song, just for the heck of it. It gets a laugh out of at least one of us.

I'm pretty sure I have officially hit "gym rat" status.

*sigh*

A bunch of...Stuff.

2010-12-01T12:20:00.000-08:00

Last night while watching The Biggest Loser, I had an epiphany.

Not exactly sure what that was all about(no really, I'm so confused), but I seem to feel 100lbs lighter today because of it(which is weird, because if I was 100lbs lighter, I'd be anorexic. No. Seriously.).

The ONLY New Year's Resolution I made was to put me first. I had been just mommy for so long, that I began to suffer. I vowed that this year would be different. And up until July, I would have said I was failing miserably. Resolutions have never been my "thing". I mean, I can swear off of pretzels, peppermint bark, Sonic VDP and ice cream any day. BUT. Unless I have something I am working toward, I just don't seem to care. One VDP will be cool, next thing I know, I'm pulling into Sonic everyday for that sweet goodness.

And oh man, is it good...

Then July happened. My baby seester was here and I ran my first ever 5k with her. Well. That's not entirely true because she smoked me and was waiting for me ever (not) so patiently at the finish line. I'm not sure what it was about that particular 5k, but it lit a fire under my big ass to just DO IT. Excuses are like assholes, everyone has one. I was above this. I knew I could do it. From that point on, I have been working my butt off. Literally, according to my personal trainer.

I digress.

While I still struggle everyday, I no longer accept failure as an option. I've had a few set backs, especially being the one most recently(stress fracture); but they are not end-all, be-alls. I have ran and completed three 5k's since July. I have lost inches(why didn't I measure myself?!), I can see it, so can everyone else. I've lost pounds. Slowly, but surely(and safely!). I have gained hella amounts of muscle and more than I can say in the department of self-confidence.

Don't get me wrong, I have days where I feel especially fat. I've even tweeted about it, using #mooo in my tweets. But then I put on a pair of jeggings for the first time, feeling the way I stated above and have two guys check out my arse while walking through Target. Or my husband says something that makes me smile bigger than a teenage girl who was just asked out on her first date. "used to, when I put my arm around you in bed, it only touched you. Now it touches the mattress."

There are also days when I don't want to do anything except sit on the couch, eat and watch TV. Those are the days I get to the gym and the first thing I say is "I need you to kick my ass today." To anyone who is scared of going to a gym because of the way you look, I have news for you. Trainers do not care! Really! They don't! They are there to help you achieve your goals and there is no way for them to do that if you are scared. For trainers, it says a lot about you, your goals and willingness when you walk in and ask for help. It makes them want to help you even more. It's an added bonus when your trainer "gets" you. My trainer knows when I say I can do more, I can do more. He knows when I say it's too much, it's too much. And he knows when to tell me to shut the hell up and push through. Which is why I keep going back, week after week.

Besides, I'm weird and I love it when my entire body hurts after a work-out. Makes me feel like I've accomplished something great. Today is no exception.

There are days when my eating is (way) less than stellar. Of course, I feel gross after I eat crap, but the point is that even though I have those days, I have yet to give up. And believe me, I could have. It would have been so easy. I ate that donut, well all the work I've done is shot. Might as well eat the entire dozen and give up. BUT I didn't(eat the dozen OR give up). I threw out the stupid donuts and got my ass in the gym.

I guess my point is, I've tried this many times. I was very athletic before I got fat. It sometimes happens when you have kids. They become the center of your world and you let yourself fall to the way-side. I didn't see the results immediately, or believe people when they see the difference and tell me. I eat that donut or cheeseburger and decide I've ruined everything. I've been there. The only difference this time was that I didn't listen to myself. I've put on my big girl panties and kept at it. I'm happier, way less stressed and finding myself again. My husband noticed. Even my boys have noticed. They love to go "get exercised" and stretch with me.

The only thing holding me back was myself. I am extremely happy with where I am now, and where I will continue to go. I've accomplished some amazing things and I am so incredibly proud of myself.

She's back.

2010-11-28T09:15:00.000-08:00

It's time to sit down and do this again. The past couple of weeks have been insanely busy for me and I haven't had much time to do much of anything. I spent most of last week soaking up the few minutes left we had with The MTI before he went into zero week. This week has been a hard adjustment for the shorts. They sure do miss him.

A basic run down of the last couple of weeks...

I spent 4 hours on a Monday in the ER, again. I left that time with a prescription for vicodin and a nice, brand new shiny pair of crutches. Diagnosis? Stress fracture, left tibia. Super fun.

I was told to stay off of it for a week(funny, these Drs are) and then to gradually ease back into low impact workouts such as the stationary bike(yawn), elliptical(better) and as long as I didn't do high impact moves, I could still meet with the trainer(YAY!).

So I did just that. I took the week before Thanksgiving off. I tried my damnedest to stay off my leg and rest. Once Monday hit, I was SO ready to get into that gym. I met with the trainer and did circuits and some leg presses. I did 3 miles on the elliptical Tuesday and met with the trainer again on Wednesday for a round of circuits and core outside(I had the boys with me since The MTI was now officially in Zero Week and they were out for Thanksgiving). My leg was good. After taking the week off, I could actually walk normal.

Still not ready to run, though. Yesterday, after a debacle on our walk, I had to run after the oldest. It was painful enough that I am aware the light, low impact exercise is going to be my friends for a while. Ugh. Five years old is no freaking joke.

Took it easy Thursday and Friday, hanging out with my boys. Did a lot of things around the house too. Saturday, I was able to get to the gym for 3 more miles on the elliptical(that's about all I can do before I start to hurt) and went into the sauna to stretch. Saturday, we went on a walk on the trails. 7 miles in 90 minutes while pushing the boys in the jogger. That's roughly 100lbs including the weight of the jogger.

While dealing with everything, we had company for the boys' joint birthday party, my dad was here for a few days and my oldest officially turned FIVE. Despite the amount of stress I've been under, I've dealt (fairly) well. I've been really tired and just kinda out of it. The first day of Thanksgiving break, I forgot two appointments. Literally, spaced until about 7p that night. Insane.

The week I was on "rest duty", I maintained. This week, I am down -1.6lbs, making my total at 17.5lbs!

I am not just super excite to see the number on the scale going down, but I bought a pair of 9/10 SKINNY jeans last week, my first pair of Jeggings and put on a pair of jeans I haven't been able to wear in about 5 years. Luckily for me, they are boot-cut, so they aren't dated(phew!). My capri leggings I run/workout in when it's cold are too big and I can wear my favorite pair of wind pants comfortably(they'll be too big soon!).

I'll have to come back later to link and such for everything. These kids are going bonkers and I've got things to do.

Get Big

2010-11-07T17:25:00.000-08:00

You aint...gotta...enough...money. I gotta dollar in my pocket. A twenty in my wallet.

Anyway. Sorry. Channeling my inner gangsta. I'm good now.

(Phew, that's never pretty.)

Another week as come to a close. To be completely honest, it was a total blur. Really, really.

(I love Beyonce')

I know I ran a little over 6mi this week, walked 5.25, took myself to urgent care, spent an evening in the ER and had to take the oldest back to the dr, where he had to have a blood draw and I also sat in the ER, hooked up to an IV pole while a freak hail storm pelted my car with golf ball size hail.

Th ER trip was because of something I've been dealing with for quite a while(which has nothing to do with running, strength or the like) and my dr told me to go to the ER if it got worse. It did, I went and pretty much left with what I went in with. Nothing.

Then, of course, there was the laundry, scrubbing my house in preparation for company and the boys' birthday party, party planning, party shopping, gift shopping, sleeping, eating and painting the boys' bathroom. Finally.

I had a few days this week where I struggled with everything. Eating, exercise, water(yikes!), all of it. I pulled myself out quickly, though. Wednesday, I saw a sign for the Purple Stride 5k for Saturday(Nov 6). As soon as I saw it, the wheels in my brain were turning to figure out a way to run this 5k. This is a cause very important and close to my heart. It was all worked out and I ran Saturday Morning. It was awesome. There were a lot of people there, all in purple. Supporting the research for this cause and remembering the ones who didn't win the battle.

So glad I got a longsleeved shirt. It was thin enough that it wasn't hot when I started running, but it was COLD this morning and I was starting to wonder if I should have worn a beanie and some gloves. My husband got pictures with my phone because that's all we had(I ran late all freaking day!). He even took a video, which is less than flattering, but I'll show it anyway. Be warned, it's scary.

And my run. Pretty stoked, but I hurt myself in a bad way. I'm pretty sure the other day when I did 3mi, it was the shoes I wore and then today just irritated it. Either way, go me! That major dip was a 1 mile hill. Yes. 1 mile hill. The other dips were hills also, but not near as long...

I weighed in -1.4lbs LESS this week. GO ME! I am relieved more than anything because I took it easy this week. Trying to re-group and get a game plan.

I am trying to keep my focus on the prize at the end. I am a little frustrated right now because I am in the horrible in-between stage. My jeans are either too big or too small. All my cute jeans are, you guessed it. Too small. When I hit the 25lb loss, I am going shopping for new clothes.

We spent majority of our day at Air Fest '10. The boys had a blast and I got plenty of walking in! I wanted a funnel cake sooo bad. Like, really, really bad. But. A friend of mine had her "little brother" with her and he got one. I pulled a piece off for the short one and licked my fingers. Barf. That sealed that deal for me. No thanks! I did get a shaved ice though and we shared it as a family. So I got maybe 5 bites. Good enough for me!

We had fun and Daddy was out on the flight line pulling the Glider. The man flying the glider was injured 20 years ago when he crashed on a mountain, losing both of his legs. He's amazing!

Congrats to the sister of the week! Laila who is @OnlyLaila on twitter. Congrats girl! Your awesome!

This week’s blogging carnival is sponsored by Earth Footwear. The winner of the blogging carnival gets a pair of Earth Footwear. Just mention Earth Footwear in your post and link back to their site.  Link up to the Mamavation Blogging Carnival here.

I wish I had more to share, but my brain can only focus on the massive list of To Do's that have to be completed by Thursday.

What the Funk

2010-11-03T19:08:00.000-07:00

I am in a mood. I have been in a mood.

Much to my husbands disliking of my mood, it hasn't changed.

I can't say it's because I have a "visitor"...Because well, I don't get a "visitor" anymore.

I'm not entirely sure of what is causing this mood, but I'm not a fan.

And neither is the Testosterone Brigade.

My dad is going through a rough patch. My friend is going through a rough patch. I was just notified my husband will be picking up the week of Thanksgiving, which so happens to also be the week of the Tall Ones birthday. I can't keep up with my house and the laundry. Cooking is a chore because then I have to do the dishes. Again. And there is gum in my hair and this morning while I was brushing my teeth...

Where was I? Oh yeah.

I have this undeniable urge to be lazy, but I want to go out and just run until I die.

I have a million things on a To Do list, which will not be To Done because I have 5 million other things that will happen and need to be done right.then. leaving me no energy or time to do the original million things I needed to do.

We are having company and a birthday party in 2 weeks. I ~~need~~ ~~want~~ ~~need~~ want to paint a bathroom, my living room, entry and office.

I've had this brilliant idea of cooking all of our main dish basics on Sunday, leaving me to cook the pasta/rice/veggies etc through out the week. Basically making it easier on ME to have healthier, WHOLE meals. I won't even mention that I have (yet) to do it.

I haven't even make it to the grocery store this week. Okay, so I went and got turkey, hummus, Flat Out Fold Its in Rosemary and Olive Oil(*drool*), bananas and cherry tomatoes. I suck.

I was in a ~~fabulous~~ mood this morning and even though I didn't want to, I went to the gym anyway. D-Mo was called to a meeting so I was on my own. It worked out for the best because I was needing to run after taking a week off(which I have yet to figure out WHY I took a week off, but whatev). I luckily flash charged my iPod on the way to the gym, because I had just enough battery to get me through my 3mi workout I had planned.

It was cold and my hoodie was too big. It kept falling right underneath my butt cheeks and was annoying the crap out of me. It was also windy, so my legs, lips, cheeks and neck all have wind burn. It was awesome though and I felt so good. I need to do it again tomorrow. That is doubtful though. It seemed to help my mood for a short while, but it wasn't long before the grouchies came back.

Have I mentioned those grouchies suck? Well, they do.

I saw a sign for another 5k this weekend. It is the Purple Stride 5k fun run/walk for Pancreatic Cancer. My mema died of pancreatic cancer this month in 2002. It will be 8 years the day after Thanksgiving. I feel very strongly about running this race. I'm praying I can get child care figured out because the husband has to work and I'll also have an additional child. So, here's hoping!

I need this pissy mood to go away, soon. Because I am not a fan.

Mamavation Mond...Uh, Tuesday?

2010-11-02T06:06:00.000-07:00

Hello! It's that time of the week again.

This week has been a whirl.

ER with the tall one, sick call with the Husband and lastly, 7 hours in the ER for myself. I'm exhausted and just mentally worn out.

I might go into more of what is going on when I have more answers. I am okay, for now.

Last night while laying half drugged, hooked to an IV pole, it decided to rain GOLF BALL size hail. On my '11 Pilot. I had a severe panic attack. I only gained my composure enough to call my husband and tell him it was hailing on base and that he NEEDED to pull his '53 GMC into the garage NOW.

Luckily, the wind was so strong, the hail had no force coming down. I'll be checking out my car when the sun comes out a bit more.

THIS is why we have a garage.

I am holding steady this week(weight). It is time to vamp up my cardio and push myself past that 3.5-4mi mark. I am still meeting with D-Mo, but need to step it up in the cardio department.

I tweeted this past week that I was in a pair of jeans I haven't been able to get over my ~~ass~~ hips since before I got pregnant with the short one. I still have one over filled muffin cup(having an 11lb baby will do that to ya), but there is no struggling over my hips and no sucking it in to button them. They fit loose enough to be comfortable. I was stoked! Now, if I could just get into the other 6 pair of pre-short people jeans...I'll get there!

We had just got back from taking the boys trick or treating. It was 9000 degrees and we walked a good 4mi. Next time, I'll wear freaking running shorts! (and that shirt I have on, once fit me just right. It's teetering on being TOO BIG!).

My eating was really all over the place this last week. It was down to the wire and we had some things come up and the bank account wasn't conducive to me needing to go get fresh fruit and veggies. I'm heading to whole foods today(yay!).

I missed Mamavation TV last night. They wouldn't let me use a computer in the ER to stream it live. Mean ole doctors!

I hope everyone has a good week! I know I'm going to!

Mamavation Sun...Er, Monday.

2010-10-24T15:46:00.000-07:00

It seems like I have so much to say until I sit down and actually need to get the thoughts from this thing I call a brain to my fingers. And ultimately, into this blog.

('cuz I'm weird like that.)

It's ~~Saturday~~ ~~Sunday~~ Monday, again. I'm exhausted. My entire body hurts. I'm tired. I'm hungry.

Wow, moving on!

Today is actually Saturday, but with tomorrow being the Short ones THIRD birthday, I wanted to get this up while I had time so we don't have another incident like last week. Where I may or may not have totally spaced and forgot.

(shhh! We won't talk about it, mm'kay?)

I have a lot to cover, so I'll do the Mamavation bidness first, that way if you want, you can skip over the rest. I won't be mad, just know your gonna miss some totally awesome pictures. Okay, not really.

This week was great! I ran, walked, rode the bike, met with D-Mo, did a killer core workout and completed another 5k.

Wednesday, D-mo KILLED me. When I left, an hour after the workout ended(sauna to stretch, shower), I knew the next day was going to be hell. And I was right. That night I had trouble sleeping because when I would move, roll, whatever, it HURT. That core-workout was brutal, but I completed it, and today I am still sore.

That's some serious shiz right there.

Thursday I went to the gym to run on the treadmill to stretch my legs out before I took the day off Friday, because my race was Saturday. I ran 2 miles. It was the perfect run. By the time that 2 miles was over, the Short one was d-o-n-e being at the gym and I needed to go get some things for a Banquet I had that night.

I am not mad. I'm usually behind the camera(Rebel) and the girl didn't know how to use it. And I was hot. Sweaty hot. Ew.

That dress is too big! But it was all they had, so I had to improvise. Unfortunately, I was pulling it UP all night. Good time though. Isn't my husband handsome? I think so.

I was still sore Friday, but thankfully it was a rest day with the race. I weighed myself because something felt different. Here is how THAT went.

*tap scale, wait for 00, step on*

*weight pops up, head tilt, confusion*

*tap scale, wait for 00, step on*

*weight pops up, head tilt, confusion*

*tap scale, wait for 00, step on*

*me screaming like a boy just asked me out for the first time*

I am down 1.4lbs this week! I am FINALLY out of the number I've been looking at for 3 years! Less than 5 until pre-short one weight and 15 til pre-any short people weight!

One thing I need to work on this next week is GOING to bed. I am so busy shuttling kids to school, appointments, working out, homework, play time, dinner, clean up, baths etc, that I haven't been to bed before 12a in I don't know how long.

And it showed this morning in my 5k. But more on that in a minute.

I've got to find that happy medium where I can get everything done and get to bed. Because this lady is exhausted!

I'm starting to get the hang of this eating thing. I've been eating the same thing for lunch. Mainly because it's easy, but it's also delish! Brown rice with steamed broccoli, zucchini and squash. With Garlic of course! OH EM GEE!

Water, fabulous!

The 5k today was great! I did so much better than my previous time, and I'll do even better next time. Because there will be a next time. I started extremely fast. By mile 2, I was starting to tucker out. I kept going though and finished, with the tall one running by my side!

He ran the last 1/8 of a mile with me, didn't stop and told me "GOOD JOB MOMMY!" when we crossed the finish line. This is the same kid who ran a 1/2 mile last week on the track, without stopping. He's awesome!

My new header is of our feets running those last few feet together. Mucho Gracias to my husband who took the pictures for me. Even if I do look like hell.

After

It rained something fierce this morning, so it was decently cool with a breeze, thank goodness! I had no problems with my shins, knee or hip. I'm actually super stoked to run this exact race next year!

Tomorrow we have a birthday party, The short ones Birthday, pumpkin carving and picture taking! I am in total denial that he:

The Short one when he was 4wks. See his RED hair?!

Is going to be THREE. I don't have to believe it and you can't make me!

This just in. I was complimented today. Not to my face, but it was a friends husband. Also, took the boys downtown to take pictures. As I was running across a street my pants fell down. Like, almost off. That is pair #2 of my capris(and the only 2 pair I have) that are going to have to be retired soon.

Happy Birthday "bug lightyears". I love you!

(I'm not linking this week. I wrote this post yesterday and am going to link up and join my family for a birthday party.)

In which I am not a Finalist.

2010-10-11T07:22:00.000-07:00

You know what, I'm okay.

Okay, Okay. I was slightly bummed at first, but I literally threw that video together at the last minute because Rachel asked me too(Why Rach? WHY?!). But I was hoping my fabulous stage presence would make me a fer sher finalist.

Bwahaha, who am I kidding. I am the worst public speaker known to man, I tend to ramble when I do a vlog, I joined Mamavation in the midst of the lasts campaign because I saw the awesome things it was doing and had done for my friend(So I am still trying to figure it all out) and this whole campaigning thing is like politics.

And I hate politics.

Plus, I hate being rejected. So I will forever be wounded from the rejection I've faced.

I'm kidding!

But I was slightly bummed. But Congrats to the finalists who DID indeed make it and Good Luck! You've got one intense week ahead of you!

I'd be lying if I said I was fabulous. I mean, it's not like I am depressed and eating everything in sight, because actually, I'm not. I'm doing great, eating well, exercising! But I'm having a hard time saying goodbye to this freaking number I've been sitting at for WEEKS. It's irritating the CRAP out of me! This is right where I sit for. ev. er. and eventually give up.

The only difference is this time, I am NOT giving up.

And in not giving up, I have lost another -0.6lbs this week. Now, I just need to lose another pound and I'll be out of this number category! Woo Hoo!

I am almost at a 13lb total since joining Mamavation 2 months ago!

This week, I changed up my work-outs all together. I walked, I ran, I did circuit with D-Mo, My personal trainer, Spin class, Core strengthening at home and I even hooked up the bike trailer and rode to and from the oldests school(drop off/pick up-2mi round trip) as well as just taking a trip around the neighborhood.

I finally found the Zip-Loc Zip N Steam bags and they have made it that much easier to eat my veggies! It's cleaner too! Less dishes is ALWAYS a good thing! Between brown rice and steamed veggies(Half veggies, 1/4 rice, 1/4 protein) twice a day and killer amounts of fruit, I'm killing my fruits/veggies intake!

Water, it's never an issue. I have completely said good-bye to soda and drink water, lemon water or get lemons and a sweet n low packet and make my own version of lemonade(Yum!). I'm getting about 80-90oz a day, and it seems to be about right for me.

Today is Columbus Day so the shorts are not in school, so we are about to get dressed and laced up! I am going to take the soccer ball and let the boys kick it around while I run around the track. Not a fan of track running, but I have the shorts and I'd much rather run on a track than on a treadmill. And they love to be outside, so it's a win win for everyone.

Today is also my Mema's Birthday. She would have been 63 today. The extent to which I miss her can never be expressed. She was an amazing lady and without her, I would not be where I am today. She grounded me all the while, letting me soar. She is with me everyday. I still love her today, as much as I did when I was 8 or 12 or 19.

Yeah, enough of that. Today is a happy day! I get time with my boys! Which means it's time to sign off!

Special Guest: Mamavation Finalists

(If you are a Finalists, you need to be on the show ready to talk 5 minutes before we start.)

Voting: October 11 to 18th
Mamavation Launch Party: October 18th
Campaign #6: October 18th to November 29th

MAMAVATION TV: Join us Monday night at 7pm PST/10pm EST on Mingle Media TV.

SISTA OF THE WEEK: And a BIG congratulations to Amanda of @beeacutie2 for being the Sista of the Week! Give her props on twitter girls!!!! The Sista of the Week will receive an EA SPORTS Active “More Workouts” for the honor.

BLOGGING CARNIVAL: This week’s blogging carnival is sponsored by SUBWAY. SUBWAY is giving away a green iPod Shuffle and a $10 iTunes gift card to one lucky winner. All you have to do is mention the Commit to Fit Campaign and Jared on their Mamavation Monday post.

SISTAHOOD: If you are interested in pledging to the Mamavation Sistahood, Monday is the time to do it. Please go here for instructions. Invitations are done on Wednesdays over twitter. (Or later if I get swamped)

Mamavation Monday, Week ?

2010-10-03T17:22:00.000-07:00

Well Peeps, It's Monday again. The shorts have been in school 6 weeks and it seems like this time is FLYING bye. I am not a fan. My oldest is blossoming and I keep seeing little glimpses of his social self(he is often drown out by his little social-butterfly of a brother). The youngest is doing awesome and loves school, the friends he's making and the time away from mommy.

In the next few weeks, I'll be busy with birthday parties(ALL of my friends kids have birthdays this time of year!), the youngest moving from toddler to Pre-schooler(He'll be 3), having been a parent for half a decade(The oldest will be 5! WHAT?!), Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Anniversaries, OH MY! This time of year is INSANE for me!

BUSY! BUSY! BUSY!

But that's ok, I like it that way!!!

My week in review:

Monday: 3.01m run. KILLED my time and felt AWESOME!

Tuesday: Walked 2mi, forgot my Nike+ and had to cut it short because the short people were just not having it!

Wednesday: 2.54mi run. Had to cut it short because my bladder suddenly was full and there was no way I was making over that last bridge with it full. This was a run full of 3 bridges, one a killer long incline...Also did a 1hr spin class.

Thursday: REST. I was in BAD shape after Wednesday!!!

Friday: Met with the personal trainer at the gym, did a mac-fit Test, was in a decent amount of pain and not feeling so hot(Cold!).

I had a pretty good week despite not sleeping well Tuesday night and feeling tired and sluggish toward the end of the week. My eating was good, no bad days to mention. I was actually impressed with my weight when I met with the PT'r. It was 3lbs less than my scale at home and the one in the locker room. It was just calibrated too, so he assured me it was accurate.

I weighed myself this morning and was -0.6lbs. I'll take it. Even if the scale at the gym has me 3lbs less, I'll take this loss so when I re-weigh in a month, I am sure to be surprised. I'm not sure of my total loss, but I'd guess it to be somewhere around 12lbs. I'll take it. I'm doing this the right way. The healthy way!

Mamavation Special Guest this week is... Our guest tonight is Cynthia Pasquella, @Cpasquella, our Nutritionist. She will be creating the customized plan for the Mamavation Moms. Come get to know her. She’s a cutie, btw. And bring whatever questions you have about nutrition. She’s also VERY pregnant with her first, so I’m sure you can give her some pointers too. Love her!!

(Join us Monday night at 7pm PST/10pm EST on Mingle Media TV.)

SISTA OF THE WEEK: And a BIG congratulations to Shelley of @Momma_Oz for being the Sista of the Week! Give her props on twitter girls!!!! The Sista of the Week will receive an EA SPORTS Active “More Workouts” for the honor.
BLOGGING CARNIVAL: This week’s blogging carnival is sponsored by SUBWAY. SUBWAY is giving away a gift card for $25 to one lucky winner who mentions the Commit to Fit Campaign and Jared on their Mamavation Monday post.

SISTAHOOD: If you are interested in pledging to the Mamavation Sistahood, Monday is the time to do it. Please go here for instructions. Invitations are done on Wednesdays over twitter. (Or later if I get swamped)

Also, don't forget to check out MY Mamavation Mom video submission, Take 27 and be sure to tweet:

Hey @bookieboo! I want (@2someonesmommy) to be the next #Mamavation Mom. She has my support! http://bit.ly/zqUxa

Thank you! And good luck to all of you fellow mommas applying as well!

Take 27

2010-09-29T17:24:00.000-07:00

It's that time again! Mamavation is accepting applications to be a Mamavation Mom and enter the 7 week boot camp!

Mamavation is a fabulous group of moms who encourage, cheer, comfort and push each other to achieve the goal(s) we all want to achieve; being an ACTIVE, HEALTHY and POSITIVE role model for our families!

After 32 takes, importing one (crappy) video from PhotoBooth to iPhoto and then waiting 50 forevers for it to upload, here I am, in all my mumbling glory.

I've never done this before, so sorry to be so vague! I'm falling asleep at the keyboard and I need to go soak my ace(Note to Self: Wear padded bike shorts next time! OUCH!).

Thank you for the support and Good Luck to everyone who is applying!!!

If your down for me to cry on camera(I'll try to be showered and not have a monstrous of a zit next to my nose. And yeah, I know your going back to the vid to check out said zit. Thanks.), tweet this:

Hey @bookieboo! I want (@2someonesmommy) to be the next #Mamavation Mom. She has my support! http://bit.ly/zqUxa

Mamavation Monday!

2010-09-19T14:05:00.000-07:00

Well my friends, It's Monday again. Actually, today is Sunday, but we aren't going to get into the specifics, Mm'kay?

Last week, I just couldn't do a MM post. Selfish, probably. Wrong, even more so. But I just couldn't bring myself to sit down and type out anything that had to do with weight loss, eating healthy, exercising...any of it. I just wasn't in the mood.

I'm not even really in the mood this week, but I'm doing it anyway. Forcing myself pretty much.

Not that I'm not doing it('it' being exercising, healthy eating etc), because I am.

Last week, the main reason for not doing a post was because of the scale. It teetered between a 1lb loss and a 5lb GAIN. I wish I was joking. I was so pissed, I couldn't even see straight. The entire week was 'off' anyway, with the MTI being home(which is RARE). I was in a state of chaos everyday, and add in the most confusing weigh-in in history...

I'm sure you get the point.

This week, the scale is teetering between a 1.2lb loss and staying the same.

I. Am. Frustrated. To say the least.

I managed to run 3 times this week, getting my Nike+ into the green. Had to take yesterday off because I'm almost positive I pulled my hamstring. Or I'm just really sore. Not sure, so I'm resting and icing and stretching. I am at 10mi this week, so I did something.

This coming week, I'll be staying off the trails and getting on the elliptical for some cardio and finishing off with some intense weight training. The scale has hit a platue and no matter what the scale says, I have been sitting at this weight for 2 weeks. After two months, I think it's time to switch things up a bit. I'll still get my runs in(probably not as many-2-3 instead of 4-5), just in the evening(The MTI will be able to be home at normal times for the first time in a year!{and I probably just screwed that up saying it}). And since it's finally going to start cooling off from the calm and cool 90* days, to a cool and breezy 85*(ish); I'll be walking the tall one to school and to pick him up. As long as the rain holds out. It has been raining for 3 days and right now, it's raining INTO my front door.

(my poor dog needs to pee and he's such a priss, he REFUSES to go out when it's raining)

Anywho, on with it already.

SISTA OF THE WEEK: And a BIG congratulations to Pamela M. Kramer of @PamelaMKramer for being the Sista of the Week! She's awesome! Congrats girl!! The Sista of the Week will receive an EA SPORTS Active “More Workouts” for the honor.

BLOGGING CARNIVAL: This week’s blogging carnival is sponsored by SUBWAY. (Look for subwayfreshbuzz.com) SUBWAY is now the newest official sponsor of the Mamavation campaign. They will be giving away a $25 gift certificate to a Mamavation Sistahood member that mentions SUBWAY with a link back in their post this week(so in other words, DO IT!).

I hope everyone has a fabulous week!!!!!

Labor(less) Day Mamavation Monday!

2010-09-05T09:17:00.000-07:00

WOO HOO! I survived ANOTHER week of shuttling the short people back and forth to school, speech and every other place on God's green earth. Phew.

This week was exceptionally busy. On top of the regular things we do every week(school, speech, training runs, walking etc), I also had Basic Military Training Graduation to attend. For those of you that don't know, BMT Graduation is a 2 day event. Airmans Run and Retreat on Thursday, Graduation of Friday. Then Saturday and Sunday, the Airmen get to spend it with their family. It's an exhausting 2 days. There are A LOT of people(I mean A LOT) and it's usually pure organized chaos. But I love going to these, especially when it's my husband graduating his flight. Here is a video of him at Retreat(it gets a little wonky in certain places, sorry!):

(Please keep in mind, we had been sitting there for over an hour and a half, the short one was BORED out of his mind and I was just plain D.O.N.E. with him after we RAN across the Retreat pad(to that building on the other side) TWICE and fought the crowd so he could go potty and he did NOTHING. And it was hot. And humid. So, sorry I sound like a big 'ole bee-otch.)

I am very proud of him and the things he has/can accomplish. *big cheesy grin*

I didn't meat most of my goals last week. I'm not happy with that, but I had to listen to my body this week. After my training run on Wednesday(3mi, PR 5k, shaved 3 more second off my time per mile!), I was in a SERIOUS amount of pain. So much so, that I had to take an 800 Thursday before Retreat because I just couldn't walk without wincing in pain. It was ridiculous really. I then bought an ice pack to ice my shin/knee after my runs. I'm still having a good amount of pain, but it's not as prominent as it was. I pushed myself too hard. Lesson Learned. But man. I wanted to run last night SO bad, it just wasn't going to happen. So I took the night off and iced my leg while watching some college football with the MTI.

It was worth it.

I also got some crazy mouth thing and for 3 days, couldn't eat. It was awful.

I slowed down on my water intake because I was averaging over 125oz(close to 150!) a day and it was just causing me to be miserable. I know that doesn't make much sense, but I was carrying so much water weight that when I was weighing, I was getting pissy about it. I've cut down to 90oz and I feel MUCH better. You know what it's like to be water logged and all sloshy? Yeah, that was me.

I decided to try P90X Plyometrics this week. Holy Hannah. The total workout is about an hour, but since I had never done it before and I was having issues with my leg, I only did half of the workout. That was 3 days ago and I am STILL sore. It was AWESOME though. I could feel it in my Arse! AWE.SOME!

Success! The MTI and I went out to dinner lasts night, just the two of us(we can make it if we tryyyy). We haven't been out, just us, in a few months so I wanted to look hawt. I put on my most favorite pair of boot cut jeans that were so tight earlier this year, I could barely move in them. I held my breath when I pulled them off the hanger because I did not want to deal with the flood of emotion that was going to take over if they still fit that way. Right leg, Left leg, pull and YES! No shimmy-ing, no jumping, sucking it in, laying down to button them! They came right up, buttoned, zipped! And I didn't look like I was poured into them. I was so excited! Slipped on a pair of 4in peep toes and a cute shirt and we were good to go. I was kinda wishing I had a pair of skinny jeans, but I'm not convinced I am ready for that. Yet.

(Now if only I hadn't cut 6in off my hair...But that's another story for another day.)

Now to get down to what you all want to know. I lost 1.5lbs this week! Making my total since I joined Mamavation...wait for it...wait for it...wait for it...

10.5 POUNDS!

Rock on with your bad self, Amanda. ROCK ON! Another 3 lbs and I will be under a weight I haven't been able to escape since the shortest one came screaming into this world.

I am ever so thankful this is a holiday weekend. I need this extra day and so do the short peole this weekend! We are going to be lazy today. Cleaning, laundry, cooking, walking tonight. I can't wait to spend the day at home!

MAJOR props to the Sista of the Week!!! @Gretablau!!! She is awesome and is ALWAYS super sweet! I really, just think she's pretty cool! Congrats Greta! You rock!

This week’s blogging carnival is sponsored by Chefs Requested. Chefs Requested is an official sponsor of the Mamavation campaign and sends their perfectly portioned steaks to the Mamavation Moms. They are sending product coupons for their 100 Calorie Portion Sized Steaks and plenty of discount coupons for any further enjoyment.

I hope everyone has a GREAT week!!!!

Someone has a case of the Monday's!

2010-08-29T18:39:00.000-07:00

HOLY Moses. Last week flew by did it not?! And then there is the whole weekend. Where did that thing go anyway? Tomorrow we start week 2 of school and I'm a little bit nervous. I have a few calls to make to the school/district that I am not looking forward too.

*sigh*

The long of the short of it is, I don't see the nutritional value in the Breakfast/Lunches they are serving. Yet, even though I am sending my child with his own lunch, he is still required to get a tray and can CHOOSE wether he wants to eat the tray OR his lunch. He's not even 5. And these people are seriously curious as to why these kids are considered obese?! CATCH A CLUE!

Last week, my oldest had any of the following at one of the meals he got at school: Cheese Sticks(Since when is THIS a Breakfast food?!), frito chili pie, steak fingers, pizza, fish nuggets(now if that doesn't make you gag!), pancake wrapped sausage link, french toast sticks. Of course they serve fruit and the "wheat roll" is served as a vegetable. What the hell?!

My oldest also came home with a seriously upset stomach the days he ate the school food. The reasoning behind him having to get a tray even though he brought his lunch? The district is reimbursed for every single tray that is served. Wether the child eats it or not.

We don't eat like that at home and my child sure as shiz isn't going to eat like that at school. It's irritating and really, it pisses me off. I'd rather PAY for a healthy lunch then get that crap for free.

Anyway. Moving on.

Fabulous week. Drank over 100+ ounces of water everyday. Did some sort of active cardio everyday. Made sure I ate breakfast(baked oatmeal w/ greek yogurt, MMM!). Did some yard work(Hello arm workout!). All in all, good week!

I started my training runs for the 10k and ultimately the Rock N Roll Half this week. I am training on hills and while I am glad to be able to train on the hills(I've been informed the course is hella hilly!), those darn things will KICK YOUR BUTT! The one day I did a training run(3mi) AND P90X Ab Ripper X...the result was a killer sore bo-day(said like Fat Bastard). I'm pretty sure I also walked that same evening or the next day, my memory fails me, but for a couple of days, I was hurting! It was awesome!

I logged over 12.5 miles of active cardio, 7.75 of that was training runs!

This week, my goals are:

~ Continue training runs as well as walking.
~ Do Ab Ripper & Arms and Shoulders
~ Do the MTI tools(used in Air Force Basic Training)
~ Water, water, water!
~ Veggies!!

I don't know if you noticed, but I gots me a new badge! Over there ~~~>! That's right! I am hoping to replace that 5 with a 10, SOON! This week, I am down -1.2lbs!! Making the total since joining mamavation almost 6 weeks ago...9 POUNDS!

11 more pounds and I will start rewarding myself! The first reward is a touch up/addition to a tattoo I have. I'll have to think of others, but my ultimate goal is to lose the weight, tone and see how my "baggage" looks. But we won't get into that tonight.

Mamavation has a new nutritionist! Welcome Cynthia Pasquella! I am excited to hear what you have to offer!(and gosh, you are GORGEOUS!)

Big, HUGE, props to Janice @fitcheerldr for being the Sista of the Week! I love reading her comments and just really thinks she's a really fly chick! Good Job girl!

And my links aren't working properly, so I'll have to stop there!

Toodles!!

It's only day 4?!

2010-08-26T06:30:00.000-07:00

It may(or may not) come as a surprise to many of you that I am not a morning person. In every sense of the word, not. I'll stay up with the coyotes before I'll get up with the roosters. It's just the way I am.

Which is exactly why my oldest having to be at school at or before 7:45a is KILLING me. I got up this morning at 6:45 and IT WAS STILL DARK. There is more than one thing wrong with that entire sentence.

(Is it nap time yet?)

Add in that this is a whole new normal for all of us. The oldest is over tired when he gets home. The youngest isn't gone long enough to satisfy his need for socialization. (Really, it's a need. He thrives on being around other kids his age). I am training for a half and ultimately, it is about time I put myself first. It's been almost 5 years since I have done that and I think I've earned the right to do so.

Week 1 of training and I may(or may not) be freaking out a little bit. The trails I am training on are super hilly. Add it that it is already 100+ degrees at 9:30a when I am finally alone to run, it is making for a very difficult time for me to convince myself I will be able to run 13.1 miles. I am comparing everything in distance. Going to the grocery store(THAT was only 2.5mi?!) or driving to a friends(What?! She only lives 8mi away?!). Yep. Freaking. Out.

I will not give up. I want to do this, but I am skeered. Training on the hills is best because after talking to a few people who ran the Rock N Roll Half/Full last year have said the track they have mapped out is rather hilly. At least I'll be prepared.

Or something.

(you know what sounds good? A big 'ole plate of texas chili cheese fries. Because that'd do wonders for my girlish figure *wrist flip*)

Every inch of my body is sore. My core because of Ab Ripper X. My legs because of training runs on hilly terrain. My arms from walking/running with the shorts in the jogger. It's a good sore. A great sore, in fact. I am embracing it and ready to work my muscles even harder.

Today is a 'rest' day. We have the A/C guy coming and I need to tackle Mt. Laundry. Taking a fer real chill day.

Oh, one last thing. Tried asparagus for the first time the other night. Meh. I could take it or leave it.

Mamavation Monday

2010-08-23T11:28:00.000-07:00

Well. It's Monday again. Today was also the first (official) day of school for BOTH of the shorts! How the morning started off and/or went isn't important. What is important, is that I got them both to school on time, did what I needed to do(run, get an Rx) and picked up the shortest one on time. The oldest doesn't get out until 3p.

This past week was just blech. I could have sworn I gained 800lbs and was just feeling all around gross. Fat. Ugly. Gross. It wasn't pretty. Add that to 105+ temps all week and it was even hard to really get any sort of exercise. I did walk, but I did not run.

Honestly, I just didn't care this week. I'm not exactly sure what came over me, but I just wasn't in it this week. It happens I guess, but booo!

(I'm super irritated right now because I had a whole post in my head and now I got nuthin'. Go figure.)

Today I started a 10 week training program for a half marathon. I'm going to have to ease into it because the last couple of weeks of little to no running and some sort of leg injury, as left me a bit disabled. I did get out and run this morning, first day of training. This isn't going to be easy, but it is going to be fun and that is the whole point.

I just want to have fun with it. No stressing. Just get out there and have a good time.

(I could really use a nap)

This week, I was expecting a gain. Really. Especially feeling the way I have(mooo!). Much to my surprise, I stepped on the scale this morning and was -1 pound!! Making my total weight loss since joining Mamavation 7.8lbs!!

I even got a comment this morning while at the dr. Nurse: "Have you lost weight?" Doctor: "If she hasn't, she has toned up a lot." Me: "Actually, I have. almost 8lbs." I just saw these people 3 weeks ago. I don't care who you are, it does something for ones self when other people notice you've been working hard.

My goal(s) this week is to continue with training, put myself first and eat more veggies! Water isn't an issue(I've been managing over 125oz a day!).

Shout out this week to the SOTW!!! BIG congratulations to Shawnee Halligan @ShawneeH for being the Sista of the Week! You are a sweet heart girl!!

I hope to "see" everyone this evening at Mamavation TV!!!

A place.

2010-08-19T18:13:00.000-07:00

I'm not having a good week. So, if you've come here looking for positive, uplifting, Go Get 'em post, Sianara.

Because this post sure as sh!t won't be it.

Earlier this week, I weighed in and was ecstatic! Total loss of 6.8 pounds in a month! Awesome news!

But then. Then this week happened and something happened. Something hit me and for a little over 24hrs, I couldn't even lift this body of mine off the couch. Walking from the living room to the kitchen required something to hold onto. Super fun.

The other thing, is that everytime I hit this weight...It NEVER goes any further. And it makes me sick. I've sat at this weight for almost 3 years and quite frankly, I effing sick of it.

Yes, this is me. Having a pity party.

I'm scared. I've tried so hard for so long to change this, ME and everytime I get to this point, I never go anywhere and eventually give up. It kills me and not only that, it pisses me off.

Today, right this very second, I feel like I have gained back every ounce and then some that I have lost.

I have GOT to get past this NUMBER. I'm just so damn frustrated!

Monday, BOTH boys go to school. I am meeting with a personal trainer too. I am bound and determined to do it. I WILL do it, but man.

I had a big long drawn out post about this and the why's etc, but I'm so pissed that I can't get it all out without it being a cluster.

So with that, I'm out. I've got to get my clean on.

Woo Hoo.

Mamavation Monday

2010-08-16T05:48:00.000-07:00

I have to make this quick, It is puke city around this house and I am completely grossed out.

Not a great week, but not a bad week either. I didn't have an appetite at all for 3 days. Nothing sounded good. Not. a. single. thing.

I logged over 13mi with active cardio this week! We went to the lake Saturday(where I ate NO carbs, ate lots of fruit and had a TON of water!!!) and that is when all this crap started. The tall one started puking right as we were turning off the main road to get to the lake. It lasted all day and nothing would help. He would drink water or sprite and it'd be back up within 20min.

Last night The MTI started and this morning the shortest one started. The tall one was back to himself yesterday afternoon.

My throat and ears are bothering me something awful, so I am just trying to stay away from this nasty little virus(The MTI says its wretched-as he was doing a move similar to the exorcist this morning, at 12:30a).

I am -1.6 pounds this week!!! Making my total loss since joining mamavation 6.8 pounds!!!!!

Congrats to the Sistah of the week!(I'm sorry, I can't link up this week, I've got pukies to take care of!) and much thanks to all the people who make Mamavation possible!(again, I can't link up!).

Now, can someone pass the coffee. And the airborne?

(Also, I don't know what happened, but the comment option is there, you just have to put your cursor over it.)

A post with no title

2010-08-11T11:15:00.000-07:00

I don't really even know where to begin.

I mean, I thought it was Tuesday. Did you know it was Wednesday already? It was a shock to me. Where the heck did Monday and Tuesday go, anyway?!

You know how your kids don't want to have ANYthing to do with you, until your on the phone? Or in the bathroom? Yeah, well. You can all add another one to the list. Running. My children are quiet as mice, until I start running. You know how the first mile or so it a bit of a struggle until you get your groove? Yeah, never fails that the shorts want to talk to me. Not only do they want to talk to me, they want ME to answer questions and acknowledge everything they see. While I'm huffing and puffing. You know, because I'm NOT BUSY OR ANYTHING!.

And today was no exception.

You see, yesterday was a rough day for me. I had a migraine from HELL and spent majority of the day trying to sleep it off. Only waking to go get the tall one from school. Thank you Nick Jr. I shall send your fee to Time Warner in a timely manner. I woke up to fix dinner, made a quick PB&J for myself and we went for a walk. Even the migraine meds I have didn't help and between that, the fighting of the shorts(someone, shoot me now, please.), the heat, I was just DONE when I got home.

And I still didn't want to get up this morning after sleeping a total of 17hrs. It wasn't pretty.

Got the tall one off to school, came home and charged the iPod and set out to run when it got enough charge. It was a hard run. Not hard as in, I ran hard. Hard as in, I struggled. I just didn't have the energy. And the the shortest one had to have a conversation with me. The entire time.

"Honey...*breath*...can we...*breath*...talk about this...*breath*...when mommy's...*breath*...done...*breath*" and his reply? "No. I be busy later."

Busy? Doing? Being quiet and playing trains by yourself? Not bothering me while I do nothing?

Probably.

Anyway, I'm at 10.11 miles this week already!

A new week(and MM)

2010-08-08T06:48:00.000-07:00

Phew! Last week was a week I'd rather not go back and re-live. I am so glad it is over. I was ever so glad to see Friday and even more so to say Good-Bye to Saturday and Hello to Sunday morning. Like I said, this week was a hard one for me.

My oldest started Pre-K this week, I had a horrific 2 days at the doctor which resulted in a whole lotta nuthin'. Along with a few other things that have me questioning people in my life, as well as myself. It was an emotional week from hell. And I am so glad it is OH.VER.

I was active 6 days this week. I allow myself one "off" day a week. I usually take that day on Saturday, simply because...I can. Really, there is no reason why I chose Saturday, other than that it's the weekend, so why not?

I ran one day. I had to stop just shy of 3mi due to extreme heat exhaustion and the fact that my pump sensor came ripping out(um, ouch!). It was 10p and it was 88*, Heat Indext was still 101*. I started to see spots and my ears started getting that muffled, can't hear anything, thing going on. Water consumption was my main problem. I just didn't drink enough water. Fail.

I swam two days. Laps with the boys and then we did Sea World another day. The short one and I hung out in the wave pool. Jumping waves with 30lbs is a work out! And a fun one at that! He figured out his life jacket and was good to go! So fun!! Our day was cut short because we had to go pick up the tall one from school.

Walked the other days. It is HOT HOT HOT here right now. Just plain brutal.

I am slightly disappointed in my food intake this week though. I had a few nights of late night snacking(FAIL), mostly due to emotional crap. I also was not prepared for the chaos the start of school was going to cause. I have GOT to find a better system for meals. I think I mentioned earlier this week that I was going to cook on Sunday, and that is today. I better get moving! I've got to get things prepared for this week(meals, clothes etc).

The oldest came home this week, writing his name. By himself. I am so proud! We've been working on it all summer and suddenly, he can do it. Without tracing the letters! His teachers were way impressed and he's the only one in his class that can do it without being directed. I'm doing SOMETHING right!!!

I am -1.3lbs this week! Tonight is our walking night. And tomorrow I'm just going to walk the tall one to school, instead of drive.

Happy moving to everyone! I am going to try to get around to everyone this week!!!

Time

2010-08-05T15:09:00.000-07:00

There is never enough time in the day to get all the things done I need to.

Showering, teeth brushing, butt wiping, boogie pickin'(what? Like you've never done it?), breakfast making, school shuttling, snack getting, laundry switching, lego building, floor vacuuming, lunch making, nap time tucking, wake up snuggling, dishwasher unloading, cartoon watching, school shuttling, dinner preparing, bath giving, snuggle taking...Let's not forget working out, time for myself, blogging...Wait. What is that last one?!

Exactly.

Monday: 55 minutes on the elliptical at the Gym.
Tuesday: 3mi walk/hike with the shorts in the double jogger(97*, felt like 109*).
Wednesday: Swam laps in the pool while the boys swam and played.
Thursday: Potential day "off". If not, 3mi run tonight(I sure do hope so!).
Friday: Sea World(swimming) and at least a 6mi hike(!!).
Saturday: OFF
Sunday: 3mi walk/hike

See what I mean. With the tall one in school, I've basically spent this week doing everything else except blogging. Or being on the computer.

I'm struggling to get what I need to get done. Spend the time with the boys they need. Cook actual meals to eat. See my husband. Sleep.

There just isn't enough time in the day. But regardless, I am not giving up or taking the easy way out. I love knowing what each days holds for me(for instance, T/Th/Su are my walking days. M/W/F are my run/gym days).

I've decided to dedicate Sunday's to cooking all the main parts of meals I'll need for the week(chicken, ground turkey etc). That way it takes some of the time consumption away from me.

Of course, this week was not without drama. Out of the two dr appts I had this week, I left 2 dr appts with black tears, puffy eyes and NO answers.

At least not the ones I was looking for.

I am pressing on. Still looking for answers that I have been looking for, for over a year.

Real Quick(and a MM)...

2010-08-02T16:41:00.000-07:00

It's Monday! Which means it's Mamavation Monday! While I've been beyond busy going and doing, I've still managed to keep up with my physical activities, even though I've been slacking majorly on blogging!

Since the Shorts are back from their week at granny's, I've been trying to spend as much time with them as possible. Especially with the school year creeping up on us. Last Wednesday, I went to enroll the oldest in Pre-K. I was notified that he would be starting school THIS Monday. As in, Today.

What?!

Well, the day was today and while it was mucho emotional for me, I made it through with minimal damage :P

He had a great day and is one of three boys in his class of 15! The MTI made a comment that he'll be a little Hughe Heffner before the end of the year.

I've been walking/hiking three times a week with the boys in the jogger(100lbs), doing cardio(running, elliptical) and also doing p90x. I ran the first time since the 5k a few nights ago and did a little over 3mi! Without stopping. I was so excited and super proud! Once the shorts are both in school, I'll be really hitting the training schedule for my runs. I'm looking at running a 10k in October!

I'm eating really good(Although I have my days) and trying really hard to not let one day or one bad decision get me off track.

I am seeing a difference, even though I am really tired. When I am up, I have more energy, I am happier and that makes for a happier everyone!

My scale says I'm down 4. The livestock scale at the hospital says I'm down 2(after I had 64oz of water this morning). I'll take it. Two. Four. It's still down from what I was and I FEEL DIFFERENT!

So, with all that being said. I'm keepin' on and not giving up! Which is ever so obvious with my lack of blog posts and tweets! I love this life!

And then this crazy thing Happened!?

2010-07-24T12:36:00.000-07:00

It's not secret(or maybe it is?) that I spent this week, sans The Shorts. That's right, The Shorts have been spending time with their Granny and Pappy!!! And I have been living the life of a Stay-At-Home-Wife(who even knew there was such a thing?!).

It's been fabulous!

At first, I was so excited I was going to be able to get all this stuff done that I've been trying to do for weeks. I even made a list...And then day 1 rolled around and I lost the list and flew by the seat of my pants.

I've worried about myself. Haven't had to share my drinks. Or my food. I've went to bed when I wanted, showered for as long as I please and woke up when I wanted. It was GLORIOUS!

After day 2, I figured "to hell" with what I had "planned" and I'd spend this week figuring out what I wanted to do. What I loved to do. What I needed to do for a long time.

And that is exactly what I did. And then this crazy thing happened!

Not that I didn't know it before. I mean, I grew up playing soccer 4 days a week, tournaments, scrimmages, hotels, uniforms, team gossip. 15 years I did this! I ran track in Middle school, played soccer in HS. This is nothing new to me!

Except when I had the boys, my concentration shifted from me to them. And that is when I lost myself.

Working out is my Zen. I've gone to the gym every.single.day. this week. Well, except Wednesday. When I did ab ripper x(p90x) and about died. But I've gone to the gym and been there no less than an hour. Sometimes 2 hours!

And you know what?

I LOVE IT! I hate sweating, but I love the satisfaction of a totally awesome work out!

I still need to figure out how I'm going to swing it this coming week, and the weeks after that until school starts, but I've gotten the kick start I needed and I feel amazing!

As much as I'd love for the weight to just fall off, in reality, I know that is not possible. Or healthy. I've gotten a great start and I just need to keep it up!

2010-07-23T10:45:00.000-07:00

It's Friday. How did it become Friday?!

I was tuh-ired. I woke up with The MTI left this morning, but after that, it was a done deal. I crashed until 9:12a. Not a peep from me or the rog. He was snoring as bad as The MTI when I rolled out of bed this morning. And if this yay-who honks his horn one.more.time. I'm going to go all "toddler didn't get what they wanted at the check-out" on him.

I've done active cardio all week, with the exception of yesterday. In which I did p90x Ab Ripper X. HOLE. E. HANNAH. Not only was it an ab work-out, but a lower body work-out as well. Sweet Jesus! I am feeling it today! But it is a good feeling. A feeling knowing I worked my core to the core.

While I have done active cardio this week, I have not ran. I tried the other night, but the pressure of the pounding was mutilating my left shin and right hip(see how that works? Bogus if you ask me.). I've done an hour on the elliptical instead. I don't want to jinx myself because both are still iffy, but maybe. Just maybe.

Today I have spent up until I sat down here, cleaning like a mad woman. And putting away the laundry I've neglected all week. I vacuumed the stairs(boo-hiss!) and the entire upstairs. Cleaned the shorts bathroom, my bedroom, the kitchen etc. I could go on and on, except that if I do that, I'll just get lazy and not finish.

The Shorts come home tomorrow! This is the longest I've ever been away from them since the birth of the Oldest short and while it was much needed, I've missed them. A glimpse into the life without having kids. Man, it sure is lonely. No random "I love you mommy!" or "Give me a kissy!" through out the day... *sniff, sniff, WAIL* I'd be lying if I said I wasn't having mini panic attacks though...

It's been so easy to just go to the gym, stay for an hour, or three this week. But starting Sunday, I'll either have to find a sitter, get up super early before the heats sets in or do something at home. And while I know I am capable of doing all three of those things, will I?

I have a gym available to me, for free. They don't offer child care though. Most all of my friends work or go to school. I haven't quite figured out the who, what, when, where and why's yet, but I will figure them out.

I have worked too hard to give up, and I will not give up.

I had a delicious salad for lunch today. I'm thinking a baked potato for lunch so I can hit the pavement in the morning with mucho energy. Maybe a small piece of chicken? I'm not sure, but I know I am doing something at the gym tonight and will fer sher hit the pavement in the morning.

Spin Class...Or not.

2010-07-22T03:38:00.000-07:00

For the past week, I've been gearing myself up for Spin class. Like, a bonified, legit, the "Real Deal Lucille", spin class.

And then the darn instructor had to go and get all injured. How dare he!?!

Tonight was also Zumba, but that anileates my shins and hip, so I just opted for some active cardio on either the Treadmill or the Elliptical.

I started out on the Treadmill, but my shins AND hip couldn't take the pounding pressure; so I moved to the Elliptical.

65 minutes. 617 Calories. 5.45 Miles. At a 6, then 5, then a 4.

Okay, so I had a snafu(more like got distracted and forget to publish this!) and that is my work-out from Tuesday. Bang up job if I do say so myself ;)

Yesterday(Wednesday) was a chill day. I got up earlier than the norm, ate some breakfast, had to go have labs drawn, get stripes to sew on The MTI's uniforms(9 days!), went with a friend to test drive an Acadia, had AMAZING greek food for lunch(I had 2 teeny bites of baklava cheesecake, too), finished painting the tall ones room, put up his new cork boards for his picture collages, realized it was thundering, it poured, finished up his room by hanging up all his other things, went to a friends house to get her sewing machine(mines busted!), went to the Gym, did the elliptical again while watching Dog: The Bounty Hunter, came home to The MTI, talked, bed.

Okay, so for ME that is a chill day.

My work-out from last night was hard. I'm not sure why, but I struggled like no other. It was ridiculouse really. But I kept going, didn't stop and did okay.

60 minutes. 569 Calories. 4.5mi. At level 6, continuously.

I struggled. And it pissed me off.

Today I have a Dr's appt. While I am there, I am going to ask about the pain in my left shin. It is still excrutiating with any kind of pressure(hence the elliptical workouts). Possibly get an x-ray, because something tells me there is something really wrong in there. I also need my back adjusted because my hip is popping in and out when I walk. Super Fun!

And here's hoping I get some REAL answers to what has been going on in there for the past year and a half!

I will be doing P90X AB Riper X today and I'm skeered!

A pointless post, really...

2010-07-18T12:48:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday. And I'm just gonna go ahead and do this Mamavation Monday Post, right now.

I'm spending this Sunday, being uber lazy and doing whateverintheheck I want to do. Why? Because I can!

My shin(and hips?!) are in pretty bad shape, so I'm really just taking it easy. I pushed myself too hard(Zumba for the first time, my first 2.5mi run in MONTHS and my first 5k!) and am now paying for it. Fabulous!

Met a friend for cawfee and Monkey Bread this morning(holy hannah! Too sweet for this chick!), Had a 1in by 2in serving, went to Target, immediately left because they didn't have what I needed, went to another friends house, stayed for a bit, went to another Target(they had what I needed!), looked at school supplies(I LOVE this time of year!), picked out back packs for the shorts(but didn't buy because what is the fun in that?!), came home, ate some lunch and am now contemplating a nap...

But let's get down to business, shall we?

I'm scared. Scared I'm going to fail. Yet again. I want this to be easy. I want this to just HAPPEN. I want this. Want, want, want. It's ridiculous really. I've changed my eating habits, work out 6 days a week and I feel like I've gotten nowhere.

Now, I know this isn't true, but come on! I'd like to see improvement somewhere...Okay, so I am. I have more energy, yet I'm so tired(I sure could use a nap!). But then there is that dern scale. Ugh. Stupid scale. So then I say I'm not going to weigh myself. But then I don't know if I'm improving or not. This, that, the other.

NO EXCUSES!

This is for ME. It takes time. A long time. Enjoy this journey. At least try to. Do what your doing and DO NOT STOP! Your doing fantastic! Your DOING IT! If your tired, rest. If your energized, work out! Don't feel guilty for eating a cookie(or 4), use it as an incentive to push yourself!

YOU CAN DO THIS!

On another note, I think I may have found a new runner. The Asics Keyanna. Uh.May.Zing. Simply amazing shoes. Too bad the are $125, or else I would have walked out with them last night. Well, that and they are fugly. No, seriously. So not what I like. Or wear for that matter. But at this point, it's not about what the shoe looks like or if they are cool. I need comfort. And something that isn't going to turn my toes/feet numb. Good, solid runners. And that the Keyanna, are.

'Tis all I got on this gawgeous (hotter than hades) day. Happy moving!!!

The day I had my ass kicked by a 5k...

2010-07-17T11:39:00.000-07:00

Phew, this morning was rough. Undeniably rough. And unforgiving.

I got up at 6a so I could eat, give my food time to digest etc. before we left. My food digested just fine, but the second I drove onto the base, my stomach started churning. It was Fabulous.

I wore my flip flops until we were checked in and ready to go. The baby seester and I walk over to the start line, where there was about 2000+ people, probably 500+ being trainees. Even more fabulous. It's roughly 8:15a at this point. Race starts at 9a. We stand there, stretch it out a bit, look up and we are moving...wait...what...what time is it?! No turning back now, we are going..

My pace started out too fast, my Nike+ screwed up on me in the first 25ft and with all the other runners barreling past me, I was SO out of my element.

There were 2 very loooong, gradual hills. I'm not gonna lie, those kicked my ace. Hell, the whole run kicked my ace. I over did it this week. I knew my shins were aching, but I kept pushing myself.

Idiot!

When my shins begin to get irritated, is when I have trouble with my feet. As I rounded the last corner and saw my mom with the shorts, she yelled "Your almost done!"...all I could say was "I CAN'T FEEL MY FEET!". The shorts were super excited to see me and they both ran the last 15ft or so with me(in flip flops!). My oldest kept saying "You doing so good mommy!". I love them.

As soon as I crossed the finish line and got my time(Ugh! Not great.), I bent over and untied my shoes. I got those suckers off as soon as I could. Sat down and drank water while the shorts went with seester to get some oranges.

Seester had a hard time with this run too. She kept saying it was because she hadn't ran in 4 days. But I know her and it is because she was out of her element. It didn't help that there were trainees and MTI's yelling Jodi's the entire time. And if your in THEIR way, they will let you know. I had one group cut me off. I had two choices, run right smack into a parked truck, or stop. I stopped, may(or may not) have flipped the last few the bird because they were laughing and kept going.

My shins are aching. BAD. 4hrs later and they still hurt. I'm thisclose to doing an ice bath from my knees down.

My time wasn't fantastic, but I finished. And I wasn't last. I have my number and my shrit. Next year, I will ROCK this run.

The first kid that came in and won the overall trophy...ran this 5k in 16:24. No. Lie. That's like, less than a 5.5min mile...Holy hannah!

I finished. I still feel like I could have done better. I want to say I'm disappointed in myself, but I signed up for this race knowing I hadn't been running on a regular basis very long(um, 2 weeks!). But I finished and now I know what to expect next time.

Because there will be a next time.

Running & Zumba

2010-07-14T15:02:00.000-07:00

Don't Mix.

The end.

Ha! Kidding! But really, they don't.

Here is my run from yesterday morning:

I'm really proud of this run! For many reasons, if I must come up with one. Or 5. It's my blog, I'll have as many as I want to. Besides, I DID it. And that is what counts!

Reason 1: I did it. Reason 2: I pushed through it. Reason 3: 2.5mi baby! Reason 4: I didn't have any issues with my feetsies! Reason 5: I. Did. It.

I have a few pairs of runners. One of which is pretty new, totally rad and super light. There are 2 problems with them though. 1) They are Nike and 2) They make my toes go numb. Fabulous! So I switched back to my Bowerman Series, only to have my entire foot to go numb. 2 runs in a row. Which totally sucks! Yesterday I switched back to my 5.0's and went sans socks. Brilliant idea! NO problems at all! Sa-Weet!

I've always gotten shin splints, and they were bothering me particularly bad yesterday, but after I iced them, I was good. And then I got this brilliant idea to try Zumba last night...

Idiot!

45 minutes into Zumba, I was laughing so hard and my shins were burning, I was in serious pain and I wasn't sure I was going to walk out of there with my legs in tact. 2.5mi and Zumba? Not the smartest thing I've ever come up with. But Zumba was SO fun! And a fabulous workout! I'm actually returning tomorrow!! I am so stoked, I've wanted to try Zumba for a while and they finally started offering it on base for a beyond reasonable price. Why not? I've got nothing to lose, except a few pounds(more like 25, but shhhhh!).

Lesson learned. No running on the day of Zumba.

Half a multi-grain bagel w/ light cream cheese for breakfast. Delicious salad for lunch with water. I have no idea what I'm doing for dinner and it's 5p. I better get busy on that, the natives are getting restless!

5k in 3 days!!!!!!!!

sigh

2010-07-12T22:18:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep. I hate it when I can't sleep. First it was because I could hear my seester talking EVER SO LOUDLY TO HER FRIEND that she'll see in like, 3 days or something when my mom gets here. Then it was because I told The MTI something about the shorts before he fell asleep and it upset him. Then it was because I need to get his uniforms sewn up for the first of August, when he officially sews on rank. And he needs a new pair of boots, which are over $100 and the ones he has aren't even a year old. And the kitchen is a wreck. And I need to steam my carpets. And finish painting. And run a 5k. And eat healthy. And keep doing UML from P90X. And not die when I run said 5k. And and and.

Crash and burnnnnnnnnnnn-uh.

I love my boys. So very much I do, but I need a break. They are wearing me out! The constant fighting. Crying. SCREAMING. Make it stop! The screaming. And fighting. And crying. And not eating. And not wanting to go to bed. And and and.

Crash and burnnnnnnnnnn-uh. Again.

And then their is the whole married-single-mom thing. Which totally chaps my arse. But whatever, I refuse to sound like a broken record. Or let that stand in the way of what I want. Need really.

I am kicking butt and taking names and it will not stop! I ran today. It was hot. And I know my pace sucked, but I ran. It was 80* and 87% humidity AND trash day(Pee-ewww!), but I did it.

Yesterday, My cardio was mowing and weed eating the backyard in 90* heat and 85% humidity. I also did UML from P90X and today, my shoulders were killer sore! Yard work is a serious workout and must not be taken lightly!

Run tomorrow, P90X on Wednesday, Run Thursday and OFF on Friday. 5k Saturday. Yikes!

And I somehow have to manage to eat so I have the energy TO run...When I don't feel like doing anything but be a hermit.

Ribbit Ribbit!

It's Friday

2010-07-09T18:20:00.000-07:00

Today has been a day full of a whole lotta nuthin'.

I ran this morning. Trekked up one heck of a hill, had the crap scared out of me by a HUGE dog that came out of nowhere, was followed by another dog, wished it would have started pouring and made it home. It wasn't hot, but man was it humid as ever! There was a nice breeze, so that made it bearable!

I've been eating the same thing for breakfast for about a week. Greek yogurt, strawberry's, granola and a drizzle of honey with half of a toasted whole wheat bagel(sometimes plain, sometimes with a smidge of cream cheese).

I made a batch of salsa today. Fresh, delicious and the 53rd batch I've made since March. I love that stuff! I will be eating that on my egg whites tomorrow with my toast :)

The shorts played play-doh for 2 hours today without a peep from either of them. Once the fighting started, it was time to put it away. Oh, those were 2 very glorious hours of silence!

If it's not raining tomorrow, we are going to the pool. After I roll my butt out of bed and do some P90X UML. My sister did it last night and has been sore all.day.long. I think its hilarious. She said her butt hurts SO bad, ha! She thought it was going to be easy...I had a meeting last night and she did it while I was gone. The MTI came home and got a video of the shorts doing it with her. I couldn't contain myself in the meeting! Hilarious!

Sent in the registration for the 5k yesterday. I'm a little nervous. Okay. I'm a lot nervous. I feel like I'm going to have performance anxiety! Stress-Free week. I must have one!

It's bath time and then I'm gonna see if there is a movie on-Demand. Have a great weekend!

Give me a S.U.C.

2010-07-08T05:42:00.000-07:00

C.E.S.S.!!!!!!

I've been up since 3:30a. I took a friend to the airport this morning. Since I've been up that long, ate breakfast and it was cool(er) than it has been(sprinkling), I ran this morning because the rest of my day is JAM packed.

GO.ME!!!!!

See that?! That my friends, is my run from 15minutes ago! If you have a Nike+, then you know that at 400 meters left in your run, you get a 100 meter breakdown until you reach your goal for that run. My goal was 2mi. 2 comfortable, paced miles. I kicked ass today! That dip, that is one hell of a hill(and a rabid dog chasing me! While I kicked and screamed at it...)! At 400 meters I was like "seriously!? Screw this and turned down a street I knew would take me past my goal. I completed my run and kept running until I hit my starting point! GO. ME.!!!!!!!!!!

I feel good. Albeit nasty, sweaty...I FEEL GOOD! I so needed this today! Had it not been "raining" this morning and the humidity was lower, the temp would have been perfect. But, Sweating is good and I feel Great!

"My run was too Bootylicious for ya babe!"

Shut your mouth...

2010-07-07T14:03:00.000-07:00

with the blah, blah, blah! Zip your mouth with a padlock...talk, talk, talk, talkin'...

Wow. Let's get on with it already. I've got that hella annoying song stuck in my head right now. Awesome.

I got out and ran last night. I was so not into it, but I knew I needed it and I'd feel better. I ran a mile and a half. I had to stop after I started seeing spots. I'm pretty sure I need to re-calibrate my Nike+ because the trail I ran is 1.5mi and it says I only ran 1.25mi. Odd.

I came home starving, tired and once again, dehydrated. I've come to the conclusion I am not eating enough through out the day, not drinking enough water and not getting enough sleep. Those are one hell of a combination.

What is frustrating me beyond a shadow of a doubt is that it seems a lot harder this time, than it did over a year ago when I set out to run. Not only to lose weight, but to have that time to myself. Be accomplished in all that I do. I know it's because last year, I had to work up to 1.5mi, then 2, then 4, then 6+. And I've lost all the endurance I once had. I just want it all back. Like yesterday!

I also know that the heat has a lot to do with it. It's still hot at 8:30/9p at night. So hot that I have to stop after a bit because I'm seeing spots. So hot that I'll have sweat dripping off my elbows. Yuck!

It's a process Amanda. Give yourself the time and SLEEP you need to get this all back. You know you can do it. Just keep it up and it WILL all come back!

(no screen shot, the iPod is somewhere and once I get up from this computer, I am not coming back!)

Toodles!

Mamavation Monday

2010-07-05T20:19:00.000-07:00

I'm new to this. Like, way new. No, seriously. I'm a mamavation virgin. Here goes nuthin'.

I ate great today! Got out and ran today! Took a nap! Hung around the house getting things done, tried to figure out this whole Mamavation thing. The last one I'm pretty sure I failed miserably, but I am going to try.

For the first time since I had my oldest, it is about ME. A year of stress is not great on anyone, especially not me. I can't keep doing this to myself. I know what to do, how to do it, but I can promise you I have people(person) sabotaging me every time I turn around!

Well not anymore! Mamavation is a great community for people who need support and accountability! That's me. I have support, but I need more!!

So, here's to hoping I did this right. Now I need to go sign up, because I just found that page(fer dumb!).

2mi run(my screen shots aren't working! boo!) in 21minutes. Slow and steady since I was a bit dehydrated.

Month 7?!

2010-07-05T08:09:00.000-07:00

Really? How did we get here. In July. Already. This is insane. I mean, the summer is half over already. So not fair.

Yesterday was a great day and I could not have had more fun, if I tried. There were jokes, beer, Red Bucket Punch, chicken, ribs, salsa, cake, friends, fireworks. We had so much fun! I did drink, but am in nowhere as bad of shape as The MTI. I slept great, got up with the shorts, ate breakfast. I am good! My counter-part unfortunately, is not. I think he might actually be asleep on the couch right now...

I'd love to pledge to the SistaHood for Mamavation, but for the life of me cannot wrap my brain around what needs to be done to make that happen. Maybe I'll be able to figure it out later, I just need to turn my dumb off.

I'm not sure what I did differently, but after my run the other day, every part of my body is either stiff and/or sore as heck! This is the reason I like to do road runs. I get more of a complete work out and can push myself harder. And I don't get bored, which is mucho important! That run was amazing though, and I felt/feel so good! I've been eating good, taking better care of myself(!) and drinking lots of water. Now, if I could get out door more than a few times a week and get to bed before 12a, I'd be golden! This week I am working on the last two!

I've got a house to clean, kids to care for and a husband to nurse back to health. Happy moving everyone!!

Tired

2010-07-02T21:51:00.000-07:00

I'm entirely too tired to do a screen shot, crop it, upload it etc.

It's been rainy, cloudy, dreary, humid and I've also had a lovely migraine as my companion for 5 days.

Tonight, I said screw it. I grabbed my iPod, shoes and keys and hit the door. Alone. Ran 2mi in 20 minutes, with lots of hills.

My hip is super sore, but I feel amazing. Tired, but I feel amazing. Wanted to run better, faster; but I feel amazing.

I feel amazing.

Took the shorts to see Toy Story 3 today. Some of it was a little intense for my liking, but for the shorts' first trip to a theater, I think they did amazingly well. They sat still the entire time!

This is our last weekend with daddy before he picks up again, so we are going to thoroughly enjoy it. Hopefully our Sunday 4th of July bash doesn't get rained out!

Tried to watch The Book of Eli with my husband, but I just can't watch things like that. They creep me out. Killing, blood, guts...no thank you.

Had lots of water tonight after my run and an orange.

And now, I've been up entirely too late and am hitting the hay!

Decisions

2010-07-01T06:27:00.000-07:00

The MTI went out on a snack run the other night. For him. Not me. I just rode along because he wanted to show me his new dorm/office in the squadron.

Anywho.

While waiting at the squadron for the key, I saw a bright yellow piece of paper. Advertising a 5k. I wanted to run this 5k last year, but had no one here to keep the boys. But this year, I really have no excuse. So, with all that being said, the baby seester and I are running it! I am excited, scared and nervous all at the same time. I haven't exactly been running like I should be and what if I chicken out? Get some strange sickness and start puking my guts out the morning of the race? Just kidding, that last one would probably be just nerves, lol.

But I made the decision to run it and I WILL run it. It's in 2.5 weeks. I better get my rear in gear!

I went grocery shopping yesterday, kinda late. After the spaghetti debacle of 2010, we had to go out to eat and hit the store afterwards. I picked up a few fruits/veggies but am waiting for the rest when we hit the Farmer's Market this weekend! I can't wait!!

Hurricane Alex is upon us, bringing lots of rain and heavy winds. We are under a Flash Flood until sometime tomorrow(I think).

Fourth of July bash this weekend! I have lots to look forward too! Wooo Hooo!

Painting and Fondue

2010-06-27T11:30:00.000-07:00

Painting is a workout in itself. Add a sick 2.5yr old and 4 different colors...and well, you've got yourself a pretty good workout.

Blue, orange, green and a tannish brown. All the colors in the shorts bed spreads. I did the taller of the shorts room first. And it'll be a while before I tackle the shortest ones room. I still need to paint the bathroom downstairs too. But it looks amazing and a certain little boy LOVES it!

My arms hurt. My legs hurt. My butt cheeks hurt. It's awesome!

I've never had fondue. Seriously. Never. Until last night.

De-Licious!

Not exactly good for caloric intake, but I did good. Stuck to meat and veggies. I've never seen it done with oil(I would have used Olive Oil, but it wasn't my house and I was eating for free, who am I to judge?!), but it was good and it has me wanting a fondue pot. Now I'm ever the more curious about the cheese and chocolate! I see a trip to The Melting Pot in my future...as soon as I can talk the MTI into going.

I'm still searching for the troll that keeps quadrupling my laundry. That little sucker needs to BACK OFF!

It's too the point it is blazing hot at 9a, and I'm not much of a fan. We go to the pool around 10a, because if you wait until after lunch the sun is just miserable. The oldest is a little blond haired, blue eyed, brown skinned, handsome little guy. The poor short one is a white blond haired, blue eyed, fair skinned littlest guy and just can't seem to hold a tan to save his life.

I hear the dryer buzzing and the boys fighting, time to get back to work!

Happy moving!!

I found it

2010-06-25T19:07:00.000-07:00

I've been doing really good about cooking at home. Even though I don't always remember to pull out the main course to thaw, I still have managed to cook at home. And a pretty decent meal.

If I don't say so myself....

Tonight, I found my appetite. I came up with a super simple and quick marinade, which was perfect for tonight. Grilled pork chops, chicken legs and because I didn't have much else or time, Mac & cheese and Green beans. I had 3 extra people here eating, the mac & cheese helped stretch the food...

Earlier, my oldest and I made daddy a cake. I had some of that and some of Edy's Take the Cake ice cream *drool*. Not a lot, but enough.

I am full. I filled up on meat and green beans. Not much of a fan of Mac & cheese anyway.

There is a local farmers market on Saturdays that I am wanting to check out, but tomorrow is my oldest much anticipated Build and Grow Workshop at Lowe's. It's Monster Truck Day! And, we are painting.

I've got a summer cold with lots of junk in my chest, so I've been taking it easy and walking. Today, I cleaned out the shortest ones closet and moved a bunch of things around. It was enough to wear me out!

happy moving ya'll! Stay cool(and hydrated) in this heat!

The boots were made for walking...

2010-06-24T06:55:00.000-07:00

Last night, instead of trying to kill myself and run; the baby seester and I went for a walk with the boys(In the Double Jogger).

We walked a little over 3mi while rocking out to some Black-Eyed Peas, Christina, Usher and Jason Aldean.

I totally forgot to sync my iPod before I sent the seester out today for her run(she's 16 and training for a half!), soooo.

Anywho. I got out and walked for about an hour!

Depending on what time The MTI gets home, I *may* try to squeeze in a run tonight!

Changes

2010-06-23T16:08:00.000-07:00

Or something. I sat down two hours ago to write about something. Too bad I can't remember what exactly that something was. Because now I'm sitting here, with a somewhat empty frame, trying to figure out what in the heck I was going to say. But I did get dinner done, fed, cleaned up and the MTI sent off to work.

But my memory fails me.

Epic Fail.

One thing I do want to touch on is appetite. How do you eat healthy, or even eat at all when you have no appetite. Seriously people, I picked up a package of pretzel m&m's to try and had to put them down, after 2. They tasted gross. Only did I consume them when I had a low blood sugar and had nothing else in the car. And they still had a funky taste.

What's weird is, I love m&m's. And pretzels. But that's not the only thing. Nothing has tasted right and/or sounded good for weeks. I am not kidding. The past few days, the 'ole taste buds have been off because well...I'm sick. Put 5 kids into a room(or house) for 8+ hours a day for 4 days and some germ is without a doubt going to change bodies. I mean, we teach our kids to share don't we?!

The only thing that does taste good is water. Positive. I tried to eat an orange today and it had no flavor. Negative.

Secondly, How do you eat at all when 1) your taste buds aren't working and nothing tastes right and 2) when you just plain don't want to eat at all. I am not a breakfast person. Never have been. Occasionally I am down for a hearty, artery clogging breakfast from IHOP, but that is rare. Mostly, I cook(pour, open, it's all the same thing) for the boys and call it good. Switch on the coffee maker, add cream and sugar and wa-la! Breakfast of champions. At least this Champion anyway.

A huge abundance of stress hit me all at once and suddenly, my appetite was completely turned off. This happens every so often, usually around the time I start hitting the running and weight training hard again. I have a sore spot that hurts to the point of not being able to wear clothes, and with the pain, comes a loss of appetite. Spare your suggestions. Five ultrasounds, three CT scans, Eighty ba-jillion lab tests later, there is still no indication of what exactly it is. I know it hurts. And affects my appetite. And other things I'd rather not mention. It's Fabulous.

I had stopped running because in the last year, myself and my family have had a huge life change. We received orders last April and since then, things have been non-stop crazy. The MTI is doing a totally different job than he had been, we purchased a home, moved, left old friends and familiarities and landed smack into a completely different culture, area, stressors and job. Therefore, my running stopped and my health basically crumpled.

You see, I'm diabetic. Type-1, insulin dependent. My health is me. But so are my boys. And The MTI. With all that said, I am happy to say that almost a year later, while sadly I should have kicked my own arse early, I have finally been shown the light. I have a husband who is working hard and doing something he loves, a beautiful house, wonderful city and some of the best friends ever! If only I had continued to run, this past year would have been fabulous!

Running is my sanity. Running reminds me of who I was and who I want to be. Happy, healthy, athletic, me.

This journey is a tough one. A husband that is working 16+ hours a day, 2 small boys, a dog, house, car, living with a disease. There are days I struggle. There are days I have huge successes. There are days when I am quiet and days when I couldn't be shushed with an AK-47. But they are my days. And no matter what kind of day it is, everyday is a new day, one I've lived to remember.

Rough

2010-06-14T06:02:00.000-07:00

This is my run from last night. Nike+ decided it could cooperate this morning. It was rough and I so wasn't in it, but I did it:

Blows off Dust

2010-06-13T22:01:00.000-07:00

Man, I pretty much suck at this blogging gig.

Nike+ is down tonight(booo!), but I did get a run in. And while my mind wasn't there and I didn't WANT to do it, I did it.

So, while I say this often, I am going to try to keep up with this thing. At least this one.

Running keeps me sane. And that is very important these days!

Today is...

2010-01-28T10:58:00.000-08:00

Another day.

I have changed my work-out routine completely. Cardio AND strength training.

Daily.(of course, that spot in my stomach is KILLING me, but whatever.)

My late night snacking is off the chiz-ain.

I'd rather skip dinner and just snack. While I watch TV.

Of course, this is after I've done my work-out for the day. Not that it does me anygood. Ya know, to eat, while I sit on my ace.

I digress.

Today is another day. Since changing my work-out routine, while I am tired, I am feeling better! That is great!

Although, it is quite possible I ate my weight in chocolate covered strawberries yesterday.

Crap.

But today is a new day!

We are always busy, but I manage to squeeze in my work-outs, somehow.

Who knew?!

Learning one day at a time, to love my body. Just the way it is. Love it from the inside, out. This is me, this is who I am. I am learning to love myself.

A Change

2010-01-27T11:52:00.000-08:00

So I started this blog, about this time last year, in hopes that I could(and would) document my journey to being a runner.

Or a racer.

Or whatever the people who run in races are called.

Runners? Racers? Crazy?

Hmmmmm...

With the epitomy of failure at my doorstep, I have decided to go in a completely different direction.

While I will still run, I am going to make this blog about ME.

My accomplishments, my complete and total failures, my wins, my losses, my struggles and my victories.

After a lot of self-loathing, self-questioning and doubt, I have discovered the problem...

Me.

Shocker.

Negativity has been the staple of my life since I was little. We are talking itty bitty.

But I am here to continue to change that. I have struggled and struggled with it my entire life, over-coming it, going back, over-coming it bigger etc.

I am much more positive, now that I have kids. The world is full of endless possibilities, and they need to know that!

So, here I will document the good days, the bad days and all the in-between days, as I conquer the hate I have for my body. A body that produced two of the most beautiful beings I've ever seen.

This is my weight loss journey.

see amanda run

Sometimes, you just can't help it.

One. Four. Five. Six. Twenty Six.

5 Unnecessary, Necessary Things To Feel Good About Sweating.

2011. The Year I did ME.

Reward

Monday

Freaking Out.

Oh NO she Dent!

Ready, Ready, Ready...

Untitled

Words.

You Are What You Eat. Or Something.

Perfection.

A (tearful) Joyous Mother's Day

Sometimes You Just Gotta

Goal. And holding steady.

Insomnia

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!

So...Close...

Because it DOES matter.

Because You're Dying To Know...

A Big Fat F.

The "D" Word.

Training. Day Numero Dos.

6 out of 7

untitled

I Take It Back

The Big Switch

Where I've been. And back.

The Plague Files, Day ?

Ear infections, dents and quitting myfitnesspal.

A case of the Monday's

What's in your head?

A New Year's Post

2010. A Year In Review.

The Eve of Christmas Eve, Post.

THE Stats

In which I Ramble.

Things That Are Said

A bunch of...Stuff.

She's back.

Get Big

What the Funk

Mamavation Mond...Uh, Tuesday?

Mamavation Sun...Er, Monday.

In which I am not a Finalist.

Special Guest: Mamavation Finalists

Mamavation Monday, Week ?

Take 27

Mamavation Monday!

Labor(less) Day Mamavation Monday!

Someone has a case of the Monday's!

It's only day 4?!

Mamavation Monday

A place.

Mamavation Monday

A post with no title

A new week(and MM)

Time

Real Quick(and a MM)...

And then this crazy thing Happened!?

Spin Class...Or not.

A pointless post, really...

The day I had my ass kicked by a 5k...

Running & Zumba

*sigh*

It's Friday

Give me a S.U.C.

Shut your mouth...

Mamavation Monday

Month 7?!

Tired

Decisions

Painting and Fondue

I found it

The boots were made for walking...

Changes

Rough

*Blows off Dust*

sigh

Blows off Dust